Monday, June 1, 2015

That's Nice

Agent Al
This whole house selling thing seems to be getting on our nerves a bit. Last Thursday, while prospective buyers were at the house, Mark suggested to me that we kick out all the tenants and rent those apartments on a nightly basis to vacationers. I made the mistake of telling him, "That's nice" while exhibiting just a hint of a smile. He immediately exploded into a tirade about me not ever listening to him. (Side note; "That's nice" is my polite, passive-aggressive way of saying "Hell no" or "Screw you".)  A very loud, profane, and bitter argument ensued. What I didn't know was that the real estate agent, Agent Al, and the buyers were still on the property. A few days later, the next time Agent Al showed up, he poked his head sheepishly around the door and asked if everything was okay before coming in. I assured him that "Everything is just fine". (Side note; When I say, "Everything is just fine", It's not.)

I was all gung-ho when we first put this place up for sale. Agent Al would call to let us know that he wanted to show the place, and I would spring into action. The first two times I spent a whole day cleaning the house. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors. This last time, I swiped a Swiffer wet mop across the floor just enough times to pick up the dust bunnies and remove errant doggy foot prints. I then went through the house hiding things under cushions and spraying Febreze everywhere. I'm convinced that just as long as it smells clean, it doesn't have to be clean. When all this started I bought outdoor yard deodorizer that attaches to the hose and sprayed the yard to cover up the smell of all the cat shit out there. That got old fast. Saturday before Agent Al and his client showed up, I walked up and down the porch with a can of Glade bathroom deodorant. After all, it works for human poop. Why not cat poop.

I guess I shouldn't lose hope. This place will sell sooner or later. And if it doesn't, it won't be all that bad. I'll get to spend another winter here in Florida and make snide comments about how horrible the weather is in Chicago. I'm sure "Everything will be just fine". 


  1. Agent Al is hot. Put him in a banana hammock and float him in the pool while you show people around. That will bring them in.

    1. It's an old photo. He is a nice guy, and I trust he's doing his best. But, the house is still not sold.