My dad was a clown. I don't
mean he goofed around at the house and made us all laugh, he wasn't that kind
of a clown. No, dad was a real clown with all the makeup, the big floppy shoes,
and the crazy costume. Dad and three of his buddies from the Knights of
Columbus had got together and formed a clown act. They would pretty much perform
for anybody who asked. Hospitals, carnivals, nun's birthdays. As kids we were
very proud of dad when he did his clown act. It was cool that we knew the stars
of the show and were kind of in on the joke. My favorite bit was when one of
the clowns would chase the other three around and around with a bucket of
water. As soon as they got near the audience the bucket was dumped on the front
row. Of course it was only confetti, but it worked every time. I think they
looked for the oldest, and fattest lady they could find to dump that bucket on,
and that lady would always scream as if she were part of the act. I found it hilarious. Unfortunately,
something has happened to the proud clown culture. It is no longer looked upon
with humor and mirth. It has turned dark. I think it may have started going bad
with John Wayne Gacy, the asshole who clowned by day and killed young men by
night. Clowns have been featured as homicidal maniacs ever
since. Just last year, around Halloween, there was a spate of evil clown
sightings around the country. Now we have the most fearsome and scary clown
sighting of all, a car load of evil fuckers intent on destroying civilization
as we know it. The Republican clown car.
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