Tuesday, May 30, 2017


"Bwaaaaaaaahhh... my phone, bwaaaaaah."
It was coming from the other room. Mark was having another meltdown. His beloved iPhone wasn't working. Unlike me, Mark had spent the big bucks last year so that he could have the coveted iPhone6, just like all the other cult members. I spent seventy six dollars on my phone and it does everything that Mark's iPhone does for him. We are a couple of old farts who talk on the phone, text with the phone, and take an occasional photo with the phone. That's all we need. So anyway, Mark's phone isn't working and I suggest we take it to one of those famous Apple Stores with the genius bar. Right off the bat I'm not liking the Apple Store. It's in one of my least favorite shopping malls (Which they all are, since I hate all shopping malls.), and I can't find a parking space near the Apple Store. I drop Mark off as close as I can and I park the car. After walking about two miles from the parking lot, I see Mark standing outside the Apple Store.
"They told me to check back in with them in fifty five minutes. They're very busy."
"Okay, maybe there's a place we can eat.... "
"Oh look. There's a Williams-Sonoma!"
So we don't go and find something to eat. Instead I am teased by all the food displays at Williams-Sonoma. After about twenty minutes Mark decides to go back to the Apple Store and give them my phone number so that they can text me when it's his turn.

"Let me see, what was that name again?" The green shirted 'genius' asks.
"Mark, Mark.... "
"Oh yes, here you are. I would say come back at about one fifty five."
"Okay, but can I give you my friend's phone number?"
"Oh no, I can't edit the entry once it's entered." Said the 'genius'.
So Mark and I wandered off again.
"How about that food? I'm hungry.."
"Oh look. There's a Pottery Barn."
Again, I don't get to eat. We stroll around the Pottery Barn until nearly one fifty five, and I tell Mark that we should go back to the Apple Store.

 "Let me see, what was that name again?" The green shirted 'genius' asks.
"Mark, Mark.... "
"Oh yes, here you are. Just wait over there and we'll find you when it's your turn."
So Mark and I wait, and we wait, and we wait.
"Ask him again." I urge Mark. But the 'genius' with the iPad taking names is very busy putting other people on the list. Mark stands there waiting and waiting. Finally he gets the attention of the 'genius'. Mark is not happy and his voice is rising to that high pitched, bitchy sound that I hate. I start to walk out of the store because I know what is going to happen next. In fact I could write the script. Sure enough, as I head for the door I hear Mark loudly ask for the manager. I wait outside for about five minutes. When I walk back in, Mark is sitting on a stool. Quiet but ready to blow.
"All these people in here do different things. They all have the green shirts on, but they don't all do the same thing. And, that guy. The 'genius'. Every time I talked to him my name got reset to the end of the list. The manager tried to tell me that I had just checked in ten minutes ago. We got here over an hour ago, but that moron kept resetting the list."
Finally a nice young lady 'genius' in a green shirt, came over to help Mark. With a quick look at his iPhone, she pulled out a few small tools and started picking at the base of his phone.
"There's your problem" She said as she pulled a giant wad of lint out of the power jack."
"Wow, just like when the doctor pulled the ear wax out of your ear." I added.

So Mark has his phone back and it's working. But I have to ask, what is the big deal about iPhones? You spend six hundred dollars just to look cool? Like I said, I spent seventy six dollars on my phone. When it started acting up I tossed it and bought another one, and it only took me about fifteen minutes to do the whole deal. I did upgrade though. I spent the big bucks and got the ninety nine dollar phone. It texts, takes photos, and I can actually call people and talk to them with it.

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