Thursday, May 25, 2017


I got an email from a friend in Fort Lauderdale, we'll call him...  umm.. Dennis. Now Dennis is a sweet guy, and I'd do a favor for him and his partner/husband/lover (Not sure what terminology they prefer.), no problem. The email read as follows.
"Hi, How are you? I hope all is well with you.
I need a favor form you, please email me  back as soon as possible.
dennis "

I, of course, sent him a snappy reply.
"The favor is to just email you back? Well, that was easy.

I should have known by the first message that Dennis' email had been hacked. Dennis is an educated man who would never ask for a favor form me. He also wouldn't have capitalized the word Regards, and not capitalized his own name. But I didn't even think twice about all that. A little while later I got a reply from Dennis.
"I am having such a frustrating ordeal right now.. I need to make an urgent deposit to a Doctor today, but I'm out of town until Friday. This deposit is for my Sister In-law who has an inflamed gall bladder. She's having a surgery today, because her condition now is very serious.
I need your assistance, please I need you to help me make this payment,  I’ll reimburse you once I get back on Friday, I promise!
Please let me know if I can count on you...
dennis "

First of all, Dennis has his significant other to make an urgent deposit. There is no way he would need me, a distant friend, to get involved in his sister-in-law's surgery. The only deposit I make with such urgency is usually right after my coffee in the morning. Secondly, a Gall Bladder operation is not "serious". My nephew just had one, it was out patient. They poked four holes in his side and pulled the thing right out. What happened is that my friend was hacked. Somebody got his email password and is going through all his contacts trying to scam money. It didn't work. But here's the thing, the scammer has my email address and because I responded, he knows that it is good. I fear I might be hacked next. So listen up my friends. I do not have a sister-in-law who needs surgery. Nor do I have a brother-in-law in need of surgery. If any of them do need surgery, that's what all that wedding bullshit was about. I don't ask people for money. Not my family, not my friends, not strangers on the street. I don't get into monetary trouble when I travel, I don't need money wired anywhere, and I don't know of any doctor who asks for deposits before surgery. I don't care if it sounds like I'm desperate for you to send money somewhere to save me. Don't do it. Just pretend you don't know me and tell the email scammer to fuck off. If in the off chance that the email is really, truly from me, and I am really asking you for money, tell me to fuck off anyway. It will amuse me.


  1. I need money for a hamburger today!

    1. Sorry, that sob story isn't going to cut it. No money for you!