Ring My Bell

Some of you may be too young to know this, but this is

Don Knotts. He played 'The Nervous Man' on the 

Steve Allen Show back in the 1950s. Sometimes

Mark reminds me of him.

Mark is a nervous type. He tends to panic easily, so sometimes I don't react as quickly as I should. On Saturday he kept complaining about a pain in his ear and that he was dizzy. Nothing new there, the dizzy part. Then late Saturday evening I heard him screaming about his face.

"What's happening? My face, something's wrong with my face!"

I took note of that and continued watching my movie on the television. He then came stumbling into the living room.

"Look at my face, my eye. It's drooping, I'm having a stroke."

I looked up at him and he was correct, he had a problem. So I gave him an aspirin.

"Do you want me to take you to the Emergency Room?" 
"I don't know, I'm dying...  "

Then I remembered that because Mark had been to the ER three times this year, they had me sign him up for home care. I looked in the folder they gave us to see what they wanted me to do, and it said to call the home care people first. So I did.

"I think Mark is having a stroke." I told them, and then I listed the symptoms. This was around 10:30PM. I was told that a nurse would call me back. I waited and at 11:30PM the nurse called. I explained what was happening. With a sigh, the nurse responded.

"Okay, I was just up there in that neighborhood. It will take me an hour and a half to get back up there. I'm in South Holland now."

So I waited. All this time Mark was in a panic.

"This is a stroke, I'm having a stroke. When will she be here? I'm going to die before she gets here."

One hour and a half later the phone rang.

"Are you here? I don't see anybody out there." I said, assuming it was the nurse.

"Umm.. no. Is this Mark? I'm in Libertyville. I'm the nurse."

"No, this is Alan. I thought you were in South Holland. I thought you said you'd be here by now."

The nurse on the phone seemed a bit confused, but assured me that she would be there in one hour. Now I was confused.

"But what happened to the nurse from South Holland?"
The nurse from Libertyville made up some story about the other nurse having another patient to visit, and then she hung up. Now another hour went by and Mark was babbling on and on about having a stroke. No matter what I told him, he was sure he was having a stroke. I could see he was using both arms, he was walking, and he was talking normal. The only thing odd was that the left side of his face looked like it was melting off the bone. Finally, at two in the morning, the nurse arrived causing the dogs to go crazy. I wrangled them into the kitchen and locked the gate. Scout continued to bark. Chandler went to sleep. After explaining to the nurse what the problem was, a stroke according to Mark, she informed us that she was not a doctor and couldn't diagnose him. This sent Mark into a tizzy.

"It's a stroke. I'm having a stroke. Look at me... Oh my god... It's a goddamned stroke!"

The nurse sat there and said nothing while Mark continued to scream at her. Finally I stepped in.

"Mark, you aren't having a stroke. Quit saying that word, stroke. Something is happening but it is not a stroke."

Everybody shut up for a moment. That's when I asked the nurse if it could be Bell's Palsy. I've known other people with that affliction and that is what it was looking like to me. The nurse, who I will call Clarice, looked surprised and then consulted with her smart phone. She quickly paged through Google and said, "Yes, it could be that."

Well for krissakes, I could have done that. I could be a Google nurse. So today Mark will call his doctor and I will call that healthcare at home place. The doctor will help Mark with his Bell's Palsy, and we will adjust the home healthcare thing.