Float Like a Fruit Fly, Sting Like a Bee.

Back in November I was in the kitchen and I thought I was having what my eye doctor calls 'floaters'. I was sure I saw a tiny black spot in the corner of my eye and when I tried to follow it, it kept on moving out of my sight. The doctor always sounds so serious when he asks me if I have floaters, so it did worry me a bit. Then I had the same experience in the bathroom. I was looking in the mirror shaving, and a floater appeared. When I blinked it was gone. When I mentioned it to Mark, he told me that he was having them too. Odd. It wasn't until I moved the bag of onions in the kitchen that it became clear. I did not have an issue with floaters, but bugs. Fruit flies. A small cloud of them scattered as I picked up the onions. The more I poked around, the more fruit flies I saw. So I threw all the onions, all the potatoes, and whatever other loose produce was sitting around the kitchen, away. It didn't help. I Googled how to get rid of fruit flies. The Google said to put out a bowl of apple vinegar with a couple of drops of dish soap in it. Sure enough, this caught a lot of fruit flies but not all of them. So I bought bug spray and sprayed the kitchen. I think the fruit flies laid eggs on the bug spray residue and multiplied because they just kept on coming. I continued throwing away food that I thought they might be living in. Then I looked at the bar in the dining room. There was one bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream that Mark had put one of those bar spouts on so that he could have fast access. Mark likes Bailey's. I popped the spout off and poured a bit of the Bailey's into a rock glass. At the bottom of the glass was a creamy puddle with about fifty dead flies floating on top. I showed it to Mark.

"Oh my god!! I've been drinking that."

"Well, you've been getting some protein with your drink."

So the other day I bought two bug bombs at the hardware store. I closed off the kitchen and dining room, and sealed the doors with tape. I set the bug bombs off and ran out the last open door which I taped shut after me. After about an hour I went back in there. It was ghastly. Nothing could have survived the smelly fog, so I threw open all the windows, turned on a fan, and aired the house out. Yesterday morning I got up and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. For the first time in months there were no bugs. I was happy.

Wednesday is my Mom day. I drive out to Mom's house and spend a couple of hours with her. Mom has no bugs in her house, never has. It is spotless. So after my visit with Mom I returned home and found that Mark had made dinner. The kitchen smelled wonderful. He had made some kind of Spanish pork chops with rice. As he puttered around the kitchen, I asked him if he had seen any bugs. Knowing full well we had killed the little bastards.

"Yes, I saw one over there, by the bread box."

I stood there in disbelief. How could one have survived?

"Get your eyes checked Mark. I think you've got floaters."