Alan Gets a Cold

I know there are worse things that people go through. Death, losing your job, your house burning down, house guests who insist on watching Fox News all day. But as bad as those things are, you have to admit having a cold is just a huge pain in the ass. That's what I've been going through for the last week. It started last Friday with phase one, the scratchy throat. I ignored that hoping it was just the dust that I had inhaled while cleaning out the robot vacuum. By Sunday phase two hit, coughing and sneezing. Terrible, brain jarring sneezing. I even bit my tongue during one long sneezing fit. On Monday morning I woke up to find that I was in the middle of phase three, face gushing. Snot in free flow from my nose, with a tidal wave of eye liquids. I hate that part of a cold. I had to do two loads of handkerchiefs in the washing machine that day just to keep up. On Tuesday I was feeling a little bit better. I credit the shots of Nyquil along with Excedrin for that. I felt so good that I even went bowling that evening. With the meds boosted by a couple of beers, I did very well bowling and we won all three games. At this point I would like to apologize to all the bowlers who will miss next Tuesday because they contracted a cold. On Wednesday morning I was not face gushing anymore, but I felt horrible and started coughing like an old Cadillac running on six cylinders. So I called my mom and told her there would be no visit from me, I'd see her tomorrow. Tomorrow came, and I again felt horrible. This time it was because I had taken a dose of Mark's cough medicine. I had forgotten that his cough medicine contains codeine and codeine does very weird things to me. I was a bit disoriented and dopey, so I cancelled the visit to see Mom again and told her I would see her next week. Now I'm waiting for that final phase of the cold that always seems to come last for me. I've warned Mark so he'll keep that bathroom clear for the next few hours.