Cowabunghole

I was watching Fox News the other day and it seems that people are quite upset about a newly minted, young politician from the Bronx. They seem to think this one woman is going to take away their cheeseburgers because cows fart. I'm not sure how she could do this other than by her hypnotizing the entire congress and the President. However, do not worry Americans. I have the fix for this. I bring you the 'Bovine Butt Breather' system (Copywrited-Trademarked-Patented). It is still in the development stages, and I might have to ask Elon Musk for some financing, but it goes something like this. A two tank attachment is strapped to the ass end of the cow. One tank has a vacuum and sucks in the methane whenever the cow farts. In the event of a bowel movement, the other tank catches and holds the cow pie. When old Bessie comes back in from the pasture for her evening milking, the farmer will then attach the milking machine to her udders, a hose to a methane pipeline from her fart tank, and the cow pies will be dumped into a large poop pit where it will decay and make even more methane. All that methane will then be sold, via the pipeline, to consumers for cooking and heating, thus relieving the pressure for energy companies to keep fracking. Like I said, it's still in the developmental stages so don't look for it too soon, but I'm sure I'll have it ready before that one congresswoman takes away our cheeseburgers.