On Saturday, my friend Tommy and I went to see the Philadelphia Phillies play the Florida Marlins. I expected the place to be full of fans from Philadelphia who have forsaken their city, but not their baseball team, and I was not disappointed. As expected, being in a stadium full of Philly fans, there were rude, loud, and obnoxious, assholes everywhere. But it wasn't the Philadelphians who were being a pain in the ass, it was the Marlins fans. The Philly fans were loud, yes, but they also had a sense of humor and paid attention to the game.
The problem with Florida fans is they get bored easily, and a baseball game is not the place for someone with the attention span of a goldfish. When it became obvious over the years, that doing the 'wave', and bouncing a beach ball around the stands wouldn't be enough to draw a crowd, the Marlins started adding things. One of the more interesting ideas was a hot tub out in the right field stands. It creeps me out to think of all the puking drunks that have been in that thing. Another family favorite, are the hoochie girls dressed in skimpy outfits, who dance on top of the dugouts between innings. This is one attraction that really gets all the little boys in the stadium to pay attention. They are so provocative that some of the men feel compelled to go up and stuff a dollar into their cleavage. It's like a family friendly strip club, with baseball as an added attraction.
To add to our enjoyment of the game, we had a drunken Little League coach with ten of his players sitting behind us. All through the game, between sips, he passed out sloppy nuggets of wisdom to the kids while spilling beer down my back. Finally, at the end of the game there was supposed to be a concert by the rock group, 'Foreigner', but we decided not to stay for it. After all, with nine innings of dealing with the drunk behind me, I'd had enough old fools for one night.