Snot Funny

Young people be forewarned, when you get old, hair will start popping out of every orifice on your body and then some. Even if you have gone bald on the top of your head, the rest of your body will more than make up for it. In my old age it seems that every day I am tweezing hair out of my ears. The hairs seem to grow like weeds overnight, and if I miss a few days it looks like I have stuck a bottle brush in my ear. My nose is even worse. For some reason my nostrils, which for most of my life fulfilled their purpose of sucking in air totally hair free, have become a snarled mass of coarse hair. It is so bad that if I don't trim the hairs regularly, they grow across the nostril and tickle the other side, causing me uncontrolled fits of sneezing.

The problem of the nose hairs is complicated by my allergies. I am allergic to cats and dogs, so of course I have two cats and a dog in my house. Over the years I have tried many different remedies for my allergies, but most of them have been taken off of the drug store shelves because apparently the folks with the 'small town values' are making crystal meth out of them. My most recent remedy for my allergies is Zyrtec, and it seems to work pretty well. It is those times that even the Zyrtec is not working that I realize that I have forgotten to trim those pesky nose hairs.

Because of my allergies, I always carry a handkerchief with me for those random sneezing fits. I have also developed a disgusting habit of hiding handkerchiefs around the house so that when I do unexpectedly sneeze and the snot is hanging from my nose, I have a quick hanky within easy reach. The hidden hanky that my new puppy, Chandler, seems to be quite fond of is the one I stuff between the cushions of my recliner chair. He seems to really like it. So much so, that he has shredded five of them since he has moved in with me. Over the years, Mark and others have tried to break me of this awful habit of hanky stashing. Little did they know how easy it was, just chew them into little bits, and I will stop leaving them around.