Porn Stars

Well I went to my semi-annual eye exam this past week. It was sort of good news. After having my eyes poked, blinded by a strobe light two inches away, and dilated so the doctor could shine even brighter lights into them, the doc says they haven't really got much worse. So what was the good news? I'm not totally blind.

While I was there the doctor told me about a new patient he had,  who was having the same trouble as me. It seems the guy wasn't taking the idea of near blindness quite as well as I do, and the doctor wanted to know how I deal with it. I explained that not driving was a little inconvenient, but between the near death experiences I have with Mark chauffeuring, and the little free bus here in town, I manage to get around. Then I explained that the most dangerous, and frustrating place for me was in Mark's kitchen. On more than one occasion I have slammed my head, or shins into cabinet doors, and drawers that Mark has left open. I am also constantly knocking over the piles of crap he leaves out on the counters. It is possible that Mark is trying to kill me and make it look like an accident, but the jokes on him, I still haven't signed the will.

After our little discussion about coping with blindness, the doctor started asking me about my insurance and if I was in pain. At least that's what I thought I heard. After exchanging a few odd sentences back and forth I finally realized he was asking me if the insurance company was paying me what they owed me. Are they paying, not are you in pain?
"Where are you from Doc?"
"New York, why?"
At that point it all became much clearer. I explained that I live with somebody from New York/Jersey, and I misconstrue what he's saying all the time. It's like he speaks a different language. Just the other day Mark was telling me about a show on television called Porn Stars.
"Porn Stars, what kind of trash is that?" I asked.
"It's not that trashy. It's very interesting."
Now how could a show about pornography not be trashy? It took a while, but I finally figured out what he was saying. Turns out Mark was saying 'Pawn Stars' in his best New Jersey accent.