Carlotta

I'm not an atheist because that would mean I believe in no higher power or being with certitude. I don't. Nor do I think I am an agnostic, because that would mean I believe that if there were a god, we couldn't prove it one way or another. What I am is a guy who doesn't believe in religion or any of the theories about life, and a possible afterlife that have been put forward. Don't get me wrong, I love the ideas. Like the idea that we have souls that transcend this physical existence. I really enjoy contemplating what if. What if reincarnation were for real. What if, if you die a martyr, you get a bunch of virgins to hang out with (what an awful thought, inexperienced sex partners). And what of the Christian belief that if you die with a clean soul, you get to hang out with Jesus, God, and the Holy Ghost for eternity. That one sounds a bit boring. Satan actually sounds more entertaining, except of course for the burning part.

This holiday weekend was a little sad for me. Besides the sad fact that I had to spend money buying Mark presents that will only end up as more clutter, my oldest kitty, Carlotta died. She was never the friendliest cat, but she loved me. Ever since that October evening seventeen years ago that I bent over and scooped that little gray kitten up into my arms, she was my cat. Not Mark's, not Garrett's, mine. She had no use for anybody but me.

I'd like to think that skinny little Carlotta went on to her next life. Maybe reincarnated as one of those 'Real Housewives' from Bravo. Or, maybe there is a kitty cat heaven. A place where cats chase the dogs, and they get to spend eternity in the warm lap of a human who never kicks them off. Any way, Carlotta was very sick and dying. I made the awful decision to euthanize her. She wasn't the first cat, or dog, that I had to make that decision for, yet it wasn't any easier this time. I was a bawling mess, all for a little gray cat. I only hope that when it comes time for Mark to pull the plug on me, he feels just as horrible.