Nail Biter

Floating lazily through the neighborhood on the evening breeze, the vulgar, and filthy curses signaled that something had gone horribly wrong at Alan and Mark's house again. The disturbance this time involved our re-decorating of the living/dining room, and was the direct result of my attempt to put wainscoting on the dining room wall. I was trying to nail the bottom trim rail to the wall. The first nail went in almost all the way before it hit something so solid that the head bent over. No problem, I can beat it into the wood, and later slap some spackle over it. The second nail started bending halfway in. As I banged away at it, trying to knock it back straight again, I slammed the hammer down on my thumb. That was when I let loose, treating everyone within earshot to the longest string of shits, fucks, and motherfucks on record.

I don't know why I have resisted getting a nail gun all these years. Mark has suggested I buy one on numerous occasions as we traipsed through Home Depot.
"Just get a nail gun. It'll really be a big help."
"There's no room for any more crap in the house. I'd have to get a air compressor too. They're too expensive. Blah, blah, blah.", the list of excuses was long. I don't know why I resisted it so much. I guess I wanted to cling to my old fashioned claw hammer because I thought the sight of a guy with a hammer strapped to his belt was manly, or maybe I enjoy the release of beating the shit out of something. Whatever it is, I just couldn't bring myself to buy one. That is until I bent that last nail, and mashed my thumb. Now, after a quick trip to Home Depot, I have a nifty setup. A lovely little nail gun with an air compressor.

Wasting no time, I loaded the gun and started slapping up that wainscoting. Bang, bang, bang, bang. I got so carried away Mark had to stop me, "Enough! That's enough nailing already."
"Are you sure? I don't want it to come off the wall."
There is no way that wainscoting is coming off, nor is the crown molding that I put up in a matter of minutes. In fact I am now looking for projects that will require lots of nailing, like maybe matching dog houses for Chandler and Sasha. Maybe even a cute new poopy litter box for the cat. Who would have thought shooting nails into things would be so addicting? It really helps me understand the motivation of all those gun nuts out there. In fact I might even want to upgrade to a bigger gauge nail gun in the future. Maybe even an automatic one that can shoot the nails from across the room.