The Runs

Mark says that Chicago men are shaped differently than Florida men, and in a way that is true. For one thing, instead of a steroid pumped, tanned body, Chicagoans are more of a pasty white, barrel shape. More often than not, they will also have copious amounts of hair sprouting from all areas. Down in Florida men have taken to ‘Manscaping’, and look more like muscular plucked chickens.

I know that not all Chicagoans are hot dog eating, beer swilling, cows, who sit in front of the television all day watching sports. Early in the morning, when I walk Chandler, there are scads of them running around in little jogging shorts. These people were obviously not born in Chicago, they‘re too healthy. My only problem with these joggers, is that they sneak up on Chandler and me. Yesterday morning I was slowly walking Chandler while he was sniffing, and peeing his way along Ashland Avenue, when a young female runner tried to slip past us. Chandler startles easily, and his reaction to this athletic young woman running up on him, was to lunge at her while barking in his deepest, loudest voice. I had him on a short leash, but he did come close enough to her for his hot breath to be felt. The poor girl screamed in terror, and ran off the sidewalk.

I have just one little suggestion for those of you who run on city sidewalks. When you are coming upon somebody from behind, especially if they are walking a dog, shout out a warning. “On the left” or “On the right”, and do it soon enough for me to get control of my dog. Otherwise, you might just go home with a little brown spot in those cute jogging shorts.