Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I kept trying to look away, but the woman kept asking me questions that I had to answer, and it just wouldn't be right for me to be looking off into the distance as I talked to her. As hard as I tried I couldn't look her in the eyes when I was looking at her. I was distracted.

On Sunday I helped the shelter do an adoption meet and greet event at the Los Olas Boulevard, Children's Winterfest. I brought out little Blackie the poodle, and Iggy, a large ten month old puppy of dubious heritage. My duty was to walk the dogs around and entice folks to start petting them, and then to breach the subject of adopting them when it became apparent they had fallen in love. It was Iggy that had caught the fancy of a woman of indeterminate age who obviously had spent too much time in the Florida sun.
"So what does it take to adopt a dog?" she asked while down on her knees petting Iggy. After asking the question she continued cooing to Iggy about what a good puppy he was. The problem was that her puppies were hanging out of her low cut top. The two leathery, and pendulous, silicone sacks would swing out for full viewing every time she bent over to whisper sweet nothings to Iggy.
"Uh, yes how to adopt...ahh, just swing over to the shelter, and pop in, and they'll help you fill out a form."

You know, many cities, and states have laws against young men wearing their pants halfway down their asses. It's obscene they say. I say they never saw two softballs in two old brown paper sacks swing their way. However I don't think it was obscene so much as it was traumatic for me and the little children in the vicinity.


  1. Thank god she wasn't wearing a thong.

  2. Where are all the commentators..hehe common taters...I like that...

  3. All I can say is EWWWWW!