"Alan, psst Alan, remember us? Remember how much you loved us when you were a kid? Don't you want to taste us again? We still have that soft, and moist sponge cake with the sweet creamy filling you loved."
I did. I certainly did love Hostess Twinkies when I was a kid. I also loved Hostess Sno Balls, Fruit Pies, and Cupcakes. I would often stop at Vogt's Store on the way home from school to get me some Hostess. I was like a snack cake junkie. My mom and dad certainly did not waste money on such things. After all mom baked plenty of cakes, and pies, her kids didn't need to get their sugar fix from store bought confections. But I did. I can't count how many times I came home from school with Twinkie cream on my shirt, or fruit goo on my face.
So I was home alone this afternoon, and I gave in. I raided Mark's Twinkie stash. I slowly unwrapped the plastic from one of the little yellow cakes, thinking of how delicious this was going to be. I took a bite. Hmmm, no flavor. I took another, still no flavor. By the third bite a flavor did start to develop. It wasn't a good flavor, it was kind of a pasty metallic taste. Where was the sweetness I remembered? By the time I finished that Twinkie, my mouth was filled with a spongy mush that I couldn't wait to wash out. It was nasty. I'm sitting here now with a foul metallic aftertaste in my mouth, wondering if it is me. Or could it be Hostess? Did they change the recipe, replacing good, delicious fat with Olestra, and sugar with corn syrup? What ever they did, it aint right. Then again it could be that I now have adult taste buds that are severely degraded after having had years of cigarette smoke, and vodka splashed across them.
(Note; I do not smoke any more. I gave it up twenty eight years ago, but the nineteen years I did smoke must have done some damage. Oh, and one more thing. Keep the comments clean please.)
I always enjoyed frozen Hostess Ho Hos myself. I don't buy such foods because they are too processed. If only they grew naturally in your vegetable garden...
ReplyDeleteThe recipe did change. In 1978, with the introduction of New Coke, all soft drinks changed from cane sugar to high fructose corn sugar. Shortly thereafter, it replaced cane sugar in everything. It is cheaper because we subsidize the corn farmers, but not the sugar cane farmers. That is when obesity rates began to rise dramatically. You see, cane sugar sends a message to your brain you are satisified, but corn sugar sends a message to your brain that you want more and more. That's why kids can drink 3 big gulps and want more, but when we were children, we could drink a small coke and be satisified. Corn sugar also taste different. That is why New Coke was such a flop and they pretended to bring back the old coke (Coke Classic) but could not do it. Hostess products will never taste as good as when we were children because of corn sugar and all the horrible additives they have put in. And people who eat processed foods will get larger and larger. And the corn industry will keep trying to tell you they are the same. And the sugar cane farmers will continue to go out of business because they do not get the subsidies.
ReplyDeleteI remember when soda bottles held just 8 ounces. If you live in South Florida, you need to go to a place called "Robert is Here" Down in Florida City. They make the best goddamned Key Lime milk shake in the world. They actually squeeze the sugar out of sugar cane, into your shake. It's truly delicious. I've been known to drive miles out of my way for one. Here is the link. Copy and paste since Blogger doesn't allow for links in the comments.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.robertishere.com/xcart/home.php
My favorite was always Suzy-Q's I used to eat that for my daily lunch along with fries (school lunch room special) when I was in high school. I had a Suzy-q about a year ago, I agree there was no taste and it wasn't worth the calories and fat, so after two bites, it went in the garbage. I guess we grow up and past those types of "treats"
ReplyDeleteDo I have to keep the comments clean for just this post or for all of them...
ReplyDeleteMy weakness is chocolate poptarts.
Well I had that part about twinkie cream on my shirt, and fruit goo on my face, and I just figured somebody would go over the line...
ReplyDeleteOkay, go ahead.
Never mind...although "spongy mush" and "foul metallic aftertaste" are pretty much the reason I'm gay.
ReplyDeleteWell I would imagine that if I had a twinkie I would have cream on my face and shirt also. Please don't think what I think you're thinking that I'm thinking about...buy yeah yummy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, our taste sense changes as we age...and Alan, you are aging! Hmmmmm....62 in about 1 1/2 months if my calculations are right.
ReplyDelete