Thursday, December 27, 2012


The agreement was that if I bought the bedroom furniture, and did all the work painting, putting down the floor, putting up the crown molding, and installing new light fixtures, I wouldn't have to spend anything on Christmas. So how come I'm as broke as a peanut today?

The bedroom was finished, and I had a little bit of extra money in my bank account. I was fine with it all, and then those gaily wrapped packages started showing up under the Christmas Tree.
"What are those for?" I asked Mark.
"Your Christmas presents silly."
I stood there staring at them, and then looked back over to Mark.
"Christmas presents? But I thought...  "
"We are exchanging gifts on Christmas aren't we? I can't have Christmas without presents to open on Christmas morning."
"Can't I just put a big bow on the bedroom wall?" I asked.
Mark gave me one of those looks that I know so well. Goddamnit, I thought to myself, sonofabitch, crap... I silently cursed him with a string of filthy profanities. Things I knew better than to say out loud. Instead I kept my mouth shut, and retired into my office to go shopping on Amazon. Click, click, clickety click. In less than five minutes I had found five gifts for Mark, and for less than one hundred dollars. Even better, I was able to order them gift wrapped. Four day later I had five gift wrapped packages under the tree for Mark.
"Ooooh, look. Christmas presents."
He was happy.
"Thank you Alan. Now about my birthday."
I had forgotten about his damned birthday on the Sunday before Christmas.
"Sure, where do you want to go for dinner?" I quickly countered.
It didn't work. Mark didn't want to go to dinner. He wanted a new chair for his desk, and not just a cheap office chair. No, Mark wanted a fancy ass upholstered chair. So on the morning of December 23rd I took Mark out to breakfast at a nice French restaurant, and then drove over to the Coral Ridge Mall where I charged my Visa card within pennies of the limit so that Mark would have his fancy ass chair. I hate Christmas, and Mark's birthday, and myself for falling for the bedroom being our Christmas gift bullshit.


  1. Alan, Having gone thru many of those Christmas's with you and Mark,one thing bugs me the most. Mark is not even grateful, he always wants more. It is sad he judges everyone and everything on how much did it cost. Remember the year we got him all the presents from the Dollar General Store? That was priceless.

  2. My mom always said "a fool and his money are soon parted" .

  3. Happy Birthday Alan! Hope you get what you want for your birthday!!

  4. FYI, just remember that much of this is tongue in cheek. Mark contributed a lot towards the bedroom. He paid for the floor.

    Mark hasn't read my blog in months, and this is the one he decided to read today. We're fine, just fine.

  5. Oh Lordy.

    Mark must have a 6th sense.

    Well...I'm sure you wouldn't do all those nice things for Mark if he wasn't worth it. I know AP feels that way about me!!!


  6. Why not next year donate presents to Kids in Distress, the elderly, or lonely PWA's instead of buying each other expensive gifts.

  7. Since when do the poor donate to the poor?