Monday, April 7, 2014

Good Fences make Good Neighbors

It's funny how you are born into this world all wrinkly and helpless, and if you are lucky enough to live into old age, you leave the world all wrinkly and helpless. In between there is a very short span of  years where everything is working well, your skin is nice and tight, and the whole package is pleasurable to look at. Most of your life is spent working up to that point, and slowly sliding down hill from that point.

            The other day I was walking Chandler past my neighbor Stan's house. I stopped to chat with Stan, and while we were chatting I could hear what sounded like an elephant stampede in the backyard of one of our neighbors. "What the hell is going on back there?" I asked Stan. Stan shook his head and gave a sigh. You see Stan is almost seven feet tall. Stan can see clearly over almost any fence and see what's on the other side. "He's cutting down all the big shrubs and trimming trees." he told me. Perfectly understandable, If you leave a Florida yard unattended for more than a couple of seasons you end up with a jungle.  "Who's cutting down the shrubs and trees, that old guy?" I asked. "Yes," said Stan, "the old guy... and he's stark naked."  I did not try to look over the fence. I did not try to look between the slats of the fence. I took Stan's word for it because I value my vision. It's bad enough that I have to look at myself in the mirror, I don't need to see some other guy's sagging and wrinkled ass. One thing that guy should consider though. He hasn't lived in South Florida for very long. He may not know about fire ants, venomous snakes, stinging nettle, or African bees. Although if he keeps running around that yard naked, he'll learn soon enough.


  1. What is with Florida and being naked?!
    Is your fence high enough for you to go skinny dipping with Chandler and Bette?

  2. That is my fence in the photo. What do you think? Besides, this is Florida. Lots of people with spear fishing gear around here. Thar she blows!

  3. There are a lot of gaps in that fence. I guess if it was my pool half of me would think "their fault if the look" but the other half would never have the guts.
    Actually my gut is the reason I wouldn't have the guts...

  4. The fence used to be very nice, until Hurricane Wilma nine years ago. I have been waiting all these years for the neighbor to offer at least half the expense of rebuilding that fence.

  5. Maybe if you start skinny dipping he'll offer...