Thursday, April 10, 2014

Pooping Tom?

Every dog has its own idiosyncrasies when it comes to toilet habits. The best dog I ever had for walking was Molly. Twice a day I would take Molly for her walk and when we would get to a particular spot where I thought we would not be seen, I would tell Molly, "Go poopies". Molly would immediately squat, drop, and continue on as if nothing happened. It took her less than thirty seconds to unload a load of poo. That was before I became a good neighbor and started picking up my dog's poo, so I appreciated her brevity. Chandler will only go along the fence by the church. He'll walk along that fence line until the urge hits him, and then he'll do the circling spiral of poo as he targets just the right spot. He is not brief, he takes his time, much like a fat man reading a magazine on the toilet. The worst dog for walking is Miss Bette. She's small, easy to steer in the right direction, and her turds are the size of my pinkie finger. So what's the problem? She will only poop near a house. Not just any house, but usually a house with a beautifully manicured lawn. So if I am in a hurry to get her to poop, I have to give her the freedom to go where she wants to go. A quick turn off of the road, up towards some strangers house, and then when she is directly under a window or very close to the front door, she will take a dump. I then have to hurry her back out to the street, hoping that the home owner didn't see that strange man letting his little dog crap on their lawn. Not so bad in daylight. The real problem comes at night. Nothing looks quite so suspicious as a man sneaking up to your house with a flashlight, stopping under your bedroom window, quickly stooping down and then briskly moving away in the dark. I'm not so sure a cop will believe it's not a case of a peeping Tom, but that of a pooping Bette.


  1. I poop better with an iphone playing Candy Crush. Try holding your phone in front of Bette when you want her to poop.

  2. You're right hostess, she just needs something to read!