Thursday, May 8, 2014

Push Pull

Old Stove
A good friend of Mark's gave us a stove for free from one of his rental properties. It is exactly the same as the stove we had, but this stove is six years newer, so we took the gift gladly. I don't know what kind of people rent from Mark's friend, but they must eat a lot of delivered pizzas, microwaved food, and Chinese takeout, because the stove looks like it has never been used. Anyway, yesterday we drove down to his rental house to pick up the stove. It went smoothly at first. I managed to lift the thing into the PT Cruiser where it fit like a glove. It was when we got it home that the shit hit the fan. It went something like this.
            "Goddamnsonofabitchmothe.....  "
            "What are you screaming about in there?" Mark yelled from the bedroom.
            "I can't get this motherf$#kingbastardlycrapshit thing out of here. You have so much clutter and crap in this kitchen...  "
            "Whaaa... now it's my fault?"
            "I've told you a thousand f#%&ingmothersc#@%#inggoddamned times...  " 
            "Quit yelling at me."
I was wrestling the old stove out of the kitchen and the new stove into the kitchen all by myself. I had already positioned the new one right outside the kitchen door. But when I tried to pull the old one out, I realized it wouldn't clear the counter by the back door that was filled with Mark's clutter. I had to drag the old stove through the house, and out the front door. Then I had to drag the new one back out to the front of the house and back up the front sidewalk to the front door. That went like this.
New Stove
"Mark! Goddamngoddamngoddamn, get out here and help me move this godamnedmotherfu... Mark!"
Two seconds later, "Get the hell out of my goddamned way Mark! What the hell are you doing out here?"
            "But you... "
            "Open the goddamnedmotherf#@king door...  get the hell out of my goddamned way!"
Eventually I got the two stoves out and in, and in the process gave the neighbors a lesson in professional class cursing. Oh, and Mark made pizza for dinner.


  1. Oh Alan I wish I had been there! You are too funny. Hope you didn't hurt yourself moving those stoves by yourself.

  2. My nephew came over and put in all our air conditioners last weekend. My girlfriend commented on how easy he made it look and how he didn't curse at all while he did it.
    I told her to wait until he got our age...

  3. Except that I started cursing like that when I was ten years old. Thank you Mom and Dad. I hate people who make home projects look easy.

  4. Did you take the door off the oven? Makes it much more manageable to move. Found that out the hard way.

  5. All I can say is well done, you two. You got the job done.

    We try to avoid home projects as much as possible for just this reason.