Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Bulk Trash Walkies

Today is bulk trash pickup day. Chandler loves bulk trash pickup day because it provides him with many new piles of things to smell. At each and every pile of discarded mattresses, derelict chairs, tree branches, and old toilets Chandler takes the time to stop and smell the garbage. There are other things Chandler loves on his walkies, and a lot more he hates. Here is a short list.

Things Chandler loves while going for a walk.

  •        Grandma Gertrude. The elderly German woman who lives halfway around the block. When Chandler sees her, his tail goes into overdrive and he starts wiggling like a puppy. It's because Grandma Gertrude always stops and gives him a good head scratching while telling him something in German. I have no idea what she's saying. It could be "Kill that fat asshole walking you.", but I doubt it. She's a very nice lady. 
  •        Grandma Gertrude's grass. The lawn in front of that house is so lush. I don't know what they do, but every other lawn in the neighborhood looks like the Gobi Desert compared to it. Every afternoon when we walk past, Chandler goes up into the middle of the lawn and flops on his back. He then rubs around in the cool grass for a few minutes before running over to get his German head scratching from Oma Gertrude.
  •        Other people with dogs. If you have a dog, Chandler loves you. He pays no attention to the dog, only the person and demands a good head scratching from them.
  •        There is a couple named Jim and Connie who power walk every morning. Chandler loves Jim.

Things Chandler hates while going for a walk.

  •        Connie.
  •        Airplanes flying directly over his head. He barks and jumps up trying to catch them.
  •        Skateboards.
  •        People who get off their skateboard and hold it because they know it makes Chandler crazy. He still hates them.
  •        Pickup trucks towing a trailer. I don't know why.
  •        Joggers.
  •        People he does not know who are innocently walking down the street and have no idea that a very large dog is going to suddenly lunge at them and bark loudly.
  •        Motorcycles.
  •        Bicycles.

Things I hate while taking Chandler for his walk.

  •        Bicyclists who silently roll up behind me. I hope you all shit your pants when Chandler lunges at you.

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