Friday, November 6, 2015

Lizard Poop

The other day I went to the doctor's office for my yearly physical checkup. I got the EKG with all the little sticky things on me. I got stuck with needles, one for my flu shot and one to suck some blood out of me. I peed in a cup, and I had my prostate checked with a digital exploration of my rectum. (Which reminds me of the punchline to an old joke. "Rectum? Hell, damn near killed him." I can't remember the joke, only the punchline.) Anyway, the good news? No prostate cancer, and blood pressure is at the high end of okay. The bad news? I have arthritis, high triglycerides, and probably gout. Yes gout, that weird disease that I thought only happened in old time movies where grandpa would complain about his gout and lumbago.

Still painting the house. I seem to only be able to dedicate two or three hours at a time to the project. It's not an easy job, not nearly as easy as I thought it would be. Yesterday I did a lot of intricate cut in work. Cutting in is where you paint all the edges around the windows and trim areas before doing the rolling on of the  paint. So tedious. The worst part about cutting in is the lizard poop. There is lizard poop everywhere. Any place where there is a ledge or flat place for the lizards to crawl on is full of lizard shit. So I have to go around and clean all that goo off before I can paint. So that's why after two hours yesterday, I had only painted about fifteen feet of edges and ledges, and I was pooped (Pun intended). My arm was sore from the flu shot the day before, my arthritis was starting to make my fingers lock up, and then there was that gout. My new excuse for not doing a lot of things around here. My ankles were hurting bad, so I sat down in a chair out on the porch, and just like grandpa I offered up the fact that "The old gout is acting up again. Be painting again tomorrow if it calms down." to anybody who wandered near.


  1. First of blood pressure would be elevated also if my doctor stuck their finger up my ass. Second...that poop looks very small. I'm picturing alligator sized lizards down there and am a little disappointed. The Canadian goose poop up here is bigger...

  2. Those are the small lizards that can walk on the wall and ledge. The giant iguanas don't crawl up the walls. They like to sun bathe in the dog run. That makes for excitement when I open the door to let Chandler out. That's where you'll find the iguana poop.