Tuesday, November 24, 2015


Who's your Messiah now?

Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, every shade of those religions. Satanism, Scientology, Rastafarianism, Capitalism. The list of religions goes on and on, many of them based on hate, secrecy, and greed.

I was laying in bed the other night, all hopped up on Prednisone, and I thought to myself, "I should start a religion". Startup costs would be minimal, and if I could dupe enough people, just like the established religions have, I could live pretty nice. I wouldn't have to pay taxes. No sales tax, no real estate tax, no income tax, and I think I could even park for free at government owned parking meters. Sweet!  My religion wouldn't have a lot of requirements like showing up at church every Sunday. You could just send in your tithe via the internet. There would be no absolving of sins. You know you when did a bad thing, deal with it. My supreme being wouldn't ask you to do super human tricks either. Like resisting being yourself. Gay, okay. Filthy whore, okay... up to a point. You don't feel like obeying a law that clearly was intended for somebody else, okay. In fact there will be only one tenet of my religion that you must follow. Do no harm. And by no harm, I mean to other human beings, animals, the planet, no harm. Hmmm... wait a minute. Would I have to give up fried chicken? I'd have to harm an animal if I want fried chicken, unless I have somebody else kill the chicken and fry it. Goddamn it, I'm already compromising my prime doctrine. This religion business is harder than I thought.

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