Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Get Your Kicks at Sixty Six

If you watch the evening news on the ABC, CBS, or NBC networks, you will notice that ninety nine percent of the commercials are for pharmaceuticals or other old people related medical things. And what you might notice further is that the pills, contraptions, and retirement plans will all make your old age a beautiful thing. In almost every ad, at one time or another they will show a group of old folks doing Tai Chi in the park, leering at each other like school kids because they're all high on Cialis. Nothing could be further from the truth. Unless there is heroin in those pills they're selling, nothing is going to make you feel like you did in your youth besides good DNA. 
They're not exercising. They're drunk.
I turned sixty six over the weekend. I am not happy about that. Although my mind seems to be still young, my body says no, you are an old decrepit fart. Things that I used to be able to bounce back from in three or four days now take me weeks and even months to recover from. I'm still fighting a sore ankle that I was assured would take no more than two weeks to heal by my doctor. No matter what kind of malady hits me, I will never be like I was before. Each cold, each twisted muscle, every bent joint, will not ever go back to how I think it should be. Oh well, what the hell. I'll just keep the bar stocked with vodka and wine, with some of those edible pot products on hand (Smoking is out of the question), and enjoy the ride. Besides, like I said, my mind is still young. I'm still hip and in tune with all that's going on around me. Although, they showed the top five songs for 2015 on the early morning show the other day, and I didn't recognize one of them. Has anybody heard that one called "Uptown Funk"?

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