Monday, January 11, 2016

Chicago Overcoat

For three nights I tried to catch the rat under the sink. The first night I set one mechanical rat trap. The rat took the bait and left the trap as if he had never been there. The second night I reset the trap and laid two sticky board traps along with the mechanical trap. The rat took the bait off of the mechanical trap and although he got stuck on the sticky board trap, he managed to escape by carrying the sticky board trap with him to his lair and pulling himself free. Saturday night I again laid down the mechanical trap and two sticky board traps under the kitchen sink, all baited with the rat's favorite food, rye bread. It was around two in the morning Sunday, that I was awakened by Chandler at the bedroom door, making a crying sound. I stepped out of bed just as I heard the loud snap of the rat trap under the sink. This awakened Bette and it was now an all out assault. Chandler in the kitchen pawing at the cabinet door and Bette in bed going crazy while being restrained by Mark. I stood in front of the kitchen sink listening to the thumping and thrashing going on inside the cabinet. With one arm I pushed Chandler away as I gingerly opened the door. There it was, a very large, very upset, very disgusting rat, stuck between the two sticky board traps. The sight of the rat enraged Chandler as I fought him off while reaching for one of Mark's kitchen tongs, my weapon of choice with rats. I reached into the cabinet with the tongs and grabbed the squealing and flailing rat. Those sticky board traps work real nice. They caught the rat just as promised. The only problem is, what do you do when you're standing there in your underpants with a squiggling rat at the end of the tongs? Here's what I did. I grabbed two plastic shopping bags, and with Chandler jumping up trying to snatch the rodent, I shoved the rat and the sticky boards into one of the bags. I then double bagged it and tied it in a knot, which I then threw into the garbage can outside. But it was not dead, far from it. I could hear it in there slamming around and trying to escape. Six hours later, when I got up to walk Chandler, it was still banging around in there. So I took one of the bug bombs that I bought to fumigate the shed, and threw it in there. One hour later it was all over. I feel kind of bad. I really didn't want the rat to suffer, but I did not invite it into my house and if it were a good house guest he would have put his neck in that snapping mechanical trap, ending all the drama. Anyway, the manufacturer of the sticky board traps should include means of disposal, like little cement boots or a Chicago overcoat.


  1. That was quite an action packed story. If I used the kitchen tongs for rodent disposal my girlfriend would kill me. I wish I had that nice Chicago overcoat for the office hamster that I buried yesterday. A garden trowel and paper towels had to do...

    1. Did you click on the Chicago Overcoat link? I didn't fully investigate that link before I included it. There is an alternate definition below the one about the coffin. Ick.