Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Fern Gully; The Last Rainforest

The magnifying glass is the enemy of old age. I'm not talking about the magnifying mirror. We all know about that and how it makes our face look like the Dakota Badlands. No, I'm talking about a magnifying glass like the one my mom gave me so that I can read labels and The Rolling Stone (They make their type so damn small). 

I am not a hairy person. I don't have hair on my back, on my chest, or even on my legs. What I do have is hair in my ears and nose. Yesterday I was sitting watching television when I realized that the hair I was twirling in my fingers was growing out of my ear. I gathered together a pair of tweezers and a flashlight, and went into the bathroom to do some trimming. The problem was that with my failing eyesight I could not zero in on the offending hairs, so I got out the big magnifying glass and took a closer look. Holy crap, my ears looked like some kind of weird forest of ferns. So I started plucking. I plucked and I plucked, and still there was more. The biggest problem was that I couldn't get a good grip on most of them. This was caused mostly by my lack of depth perception because I am nearly completely blind in my right eye. That, and the fact that the pair of tweezers wasn't built to very close tolerances, and when I did get a hair and tugged, the hair would simply slip out. I'm obviously going to have to buy some kind of ear hair, trimming device. Kind of like the nose hair clippers that I have. Which reminds me, I have to go whack away at that little forest soon.

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