Thursday, June 9, 2016

I Hate Indian Food

"What's that smell?" I asked as we wended our way back home.
"I dunno, smells like a skunk. The whole car stinks"
"Or bad pot. I've smelled marijuana like that."
"Hmmm... it couldn't be the food, could it?"
Well hell yes it could be the goddamned food. It could be goat or cat masquerading as beef. Once again Mark has talked me into eating Indian food. I hate Indian food, but Mark guilted me into eating it again.
"Oh, so because you don't like it I never get to eat Indian food ever again?"
"No, you can eat all of that crap that you want. Just leave me out of it."
But like what happens so often, I gave in. We went to an Indian take out place over on Devon Avenue, in what used to be a very Jewish neighborhood but is now populated by people who escaped from countries where we started wars and people from India. It's a weird mish-mash of nationalities. Afghans, Iraqis, Pakistanis, Indians, and a few old Jewish holdouts. On Devon Avenue it's not unusual to see a woman in a burqa, standing next to an orthodox Jewish guy, standing next to a guy wearing traditional Afghani clothing. So anyway, we went to get Mark some Indian food. We got it from a place that had no menu, only photographs on the wall of what they had to offer. Like fifty different photos of everything from goat to kidney and liver. They did not specify who's kidney and liver it was. We took our food home, sat down and started eating.It was after just two forks full of 'Frontier Chicken' that Mark realized we had better keep within close range of a bathroom.
"Oh my god, I can already feel the gurgling down there." Mark said as he shoveled more 'Palak Gosht' in his mouth.
"No shit, whatever you do, do not give Chandler any of this stuff." I added.
And then I thought about that. Mark made me eat Indian food again, for which I will pay dearly when my stomach goes nuts in the middle of the night. So I gave Chandler just a little, just a taste of that smelly mystery meat, and over night he will be paying Mark back over and over again with the noxious fumes that only Chandler can produce.