As I sat back in the chair, in the store, I was in heaven.
"Oh yeah, now this is a recliner. This is what I've been looking for."
What I hadn't been looking for is the price tag. $1200, on sale for $700.
"Too bad I can't afford it." I whined.
"But it's on sale." Mark interrupted, and just that quickly he and the salesman bundled it together with a new sofa. "Look, if you buy it with this sofa, both will only cost $1600."
I couldn't argue. Buying the pair together brought the price down to half, and that chair. It caressed me, it lovingly held me in the perfect position to watch football. If you have read my posts over the years you should be aware of my long relationship with recliner chairs. I think that this new one I purchased is the fifth or sixth one, and it is the most expensive. So a little over a week ago my chair was delivered. The two men carried it up the stairs, assembled it, and even moved our china cabinet across the dining room for us. As soon as they left I plopped down into the new chair. Something was not right.
"This does not feel as comfortable as the one in the store. My feet are hanging over the end and something is poking me in the back."
"Maybe it needs to be broken in. That one in the store probably had a hundred people sit in it."
"No, it should feel exactly the same as the one in the store."
So I called Carson Pirie Scott and complained.
"Sir, we'll have a new chair delivered on Friday."
So this past Friday my second new chair was delivered. Again, the two men carried it upstairs and assembled the chair in our living room. This time I tried it before they left.
"No. No, this chair doesn't feel the same as the one in the store either. Take the back off of the new one and stick it on the old one."
The two men obeyed.
"Arggghhh... this is even worse. Take the back of the old chair and put it on the new chair bottom."
Again, the two men obliged my whim.
"No, not the same. Put the new chair back together again."
The two men looked at each other and then gave me a look, as if I were crazy. They put the new chair back together. I sat in the new chair, I sat in the old chair. Back and forth I moved until I announced, "Take the new chair back. I'm keeping the first one." And the two men disassembled the new chair and took out the front door. As they carried it down the sidewalk I stopped them.
"Put it back together and let me sit in it one more time."
And right outside on the sidewalk, in front of my neighbors and the world, I sat back in that expensive recliner chair.
"Hmmm... " I pondered, "Okay, take it away. I'll keep the original chair."
No complaints from the two delivery men, no hesitation on the part of Carson's to send out a new chair to the crazy asshole who complained that it just didn't feel quite right. That folks, is what you get when you spend a little more money at one of the old line department stores. Ass kissing. I kind of liked it.