White Bred

A few years ago, for Mark's birthday, I bought him one of those DNA kits. He was delighted with the gift and dutifully spit into the little vial and mailed it away. For weeks we anticipated the arrival of that DNA information about Mark's makeup. When it finally arrived, I was impressed. Mark is a combination of many nationalities. His family heritage spans almost all the continents. He was happy when it was shown that he is of majority African descent, but barely. Only fifty one percent African. Huge chunks of his DNA were shown to be British, Irish, Scandinavian, and surprise, surprise, East Asian.

So this past birthday Mark gave me the DNA kit. I too spit into the little vial and mailed it off to the Mormons. (In actuality the Mormon Church does not own Ancestry.com. Much like my mother does not own me.) For weeks now I have dreamed that maybe I have some exotic blood running through my veins. Maybe one of my ancestors had a secret tryst with one of the servants, or was one of the servants and bopped the boss. Anyway, the time has come, the results are in. Last week it showed up in my email, and here it is. I probably could be whiter, something about less than one percent of my DNA coming from Caucasus. But even that is where the word Caucasian comes from. It appears that other than that tiny bit from the Caucasus region, I am all European. Bits and pieces from Scandinavia to the Iberian Peninsula. The largest chunk is simply described as 'West Europe', seventy three percent, and that doesn't even include the large bit of British and Irish I have in me. Funny thing, Mark is actually more British than I am and I can trace my ancestors way back in England. I was hoping it would be just a little bit more targeted than simply 'West Europe'. The only time they got real specific was my Irish heritage. On the report it zeros in on Munster, Ireland, with a little blurb describing it as a place of "Rebels and Outlaws." Seriously, I was expecting more than Europe. After all, I tan very easily and I can get pretty dark in the summer.