Always Lock the Door

 Re-enactment

Jewel Food Stores are the big grocery chain here in Chicago. The thing is that not all Jewels are created equal. Some are cleaner, some are laid out better, and some are nothing more than a human zoo.

I stopped for groceries at the Jewel in Andersonville on the way home from Mom's house yesterday. I was going to make dinner and I needed to pick up a few things. Right off the bat, in the parking lot, I encountered a derelict pickup truck parked not just in a handicap parking space, but across two of them. It was smashed in the front, it was smashed on the side, the rear was also smashed in. At one time it had been white, but now it was mostly rusty brown. It did not have a handicapped tag. Fine, none of my business that the city of Chicago doesn't enforce that law. So I locked my car and started walking across the parking lot when a man came running past me, screaming obscenities, and waving his fists. About ten feet in front of me he caught up with a maroon SUV and began beating on it with his fist. His eyes were bulging, his veins were popping, and the most filthy cursing I have heard in a long time spewed from his quivering lips. From what I could figure, the SUV had almost run him over and then had the nerve to honk at him. Again, none of my business. Besides, I had just driven the long drive from Tinley Park and my bladder was screaming. So I entered the Jewel store and quickly skittered my way to the back where the public restroom was. I was hoping against hope that it was not occupied because it's not a nice big restroom with multiple stalls. It has but one toilet for one person, gender is not important. I turned the door handle and it was not locked. Perfect, I could relieve myself and then do my shopping. I flung the door open and immediately tried to grab it back and slam it shut.

"Oh, excuse me. So sorry, so sorry... " I sputtered as I tried to close the door. 
There on the toilet, sat an obese, naked, pink blob of a man. So big that the actual toilet was not visible because he had enveloped it.

"Oh god, sorry, sorry...." I continued as I finally got a grasp on the door handle and slammed the door shut. Oh, and when I finished my shopping and returned to my car, guess who was getting into the beat up truck parked across two handicapped spots?