Dog Smarts

Mark thinks that I'm full of crap when I tell him how smart our dogs are. He thinks they are not so bright. He is wrong, they are wily. They are scheming little fur-balls on four legs. Friday afternoon Chandler stands up in front of the television, looks towards the dining room and starts a slow bark. One bark while looking at the dining room door, then a  pause. He barks again, looks at me then back at the dining room. Again a pause. Scout stands up, looks at Chandler. Then she and Chandler both turn and stand in front of me with plaintiff looks on their faces. I'm sitting in my big chair watching Judge Judy.

"What?" I ask Chandler, "What do you want?"

He barks once.

"Do you have to go out again? Damn you guys pee a lot."

So I get up and go towards the back of the house while putting on my coat. When I get to the kitchen door I look back, both dogs have stopped at the dining room table and are looking up at it. Once again Mark has left a half eaten plate of food on the table and the dogs think I should give it to them. Nobody has to go out and pee. They want that goddamned food that Mark left up there. It was just like the scene from the evening before when I was in my office and Scout sidled up to me. She gave my arm a little nudge.

"You got to go out?" I ask.

If she could talk, this is what she would say.

"No I don't. What I need is that big plate of Chinese food that skinny daddy has left up on the dining room table."

I got up from my desk, walked out into the dining room, and sure enough there it was. Chandler already was out there. He had staked out his spot next to the table, eagerly awaiting some Egg Fu Young. But nobody is getting Mark's left over Egg Fu Young, because it is fart food. If I gave that to the dogs, especially Chandler, we would have to open every window in the house. And speaking of dog farts and smart dogs, Chandler knows exactly what the word fart means. All I have to do is gasp and choke out, "Chandler, farted." He immediately slinks away into the other room. As soon as the air clears Chandler comes right back and lays across the living room floor. Where he stays until ten minutes later, when he farts again. I'm sorry, did I title this post 'Dog Smarts'?