Alan and the Angry Shopper

Re-enactment

Before I get into the confrontation at the Jewel Grocery Store yesterday, let me ask again. What the hell were all these people who have bought up every last ounce of cleaning supplies, doing before this whole virus scare? Did they live in filth? Anyway, once a week I venture out to get supplies and groceries. Lucky for me I did the senior hours thing yesterday before the meat hoarders showed up. So I got two steaks, some chicken, and a nice salmon. However, when I turned down the cleaning supplies aisle it was nearly stripped bare. Each week for the last month or more, Mark has been putting Clorox wipes, Lysol spray, and foaming hand soap on his list for me to buy. Mark is very optimistic. So as I slowly moved down that aisle hoping to find at least one of the things on Mark's list, I noticed a woman shopping at the far end. She had her face mask on, was wearing latex gloves, and was yelling something. I usually ignore crazy people yelling things. Sort of a reciprocal respect for when people ignore me screaming and cursing in the supermarket. As I got closer to the woman I realized she was zeroing in on me, yelling something at me. Because of the face mask her angry screaming was a little difficult to make out.

"Wonph waph. ymmmph glomom wonph waph."

I tried to ignore her. That's when she threw her hand up as if to stop me, and repeated her indecipherable babble. So I stopped, and she turned her shopping cart to block the aisle, as if I were about to attack her. She was waving her hands and still screaming, so I slowed my advance down the aisle. She momentarily moved her face mask up so I could hear her clearly. In an angry voice she told me, "Turn around. You're going the wrong way."

Well how the hell did she know I was going the wrong way? I knew where the hell I was going.

"One way aisle. You can only go one way.... Look down."

So I looked down and sure enough, there was a sign on the floor that said 'One Way'. However, since I was already a third of the way down the aisle I figured I might as well keep going. That was when she started screaming as if I were Jack the Ripper.

"Get away from me. Go away... Don't come any closer!! "

She had a mask on. I had a mask on. I didn't intend to go down there and breathe on her, but she was clearly out of her mind with fear. So I gave her a dismissive wave of my hand and turned around. Is that how we are now to look at each and every person we come into contact with? As if they were Satan coming for our soul? I don't know if I saw that woman again during my shopping trip. They all looked pretty much the same. A face with a blue mask. What I do know is that it took me twice as long to shop because everything I needed was down a one way aisle, the wrong way.