Tuesday, July 1, 2008

An Apple A Day

Sunday Mark took me on another one of his fabulous shopping trips to the mall. All it took was for me to mention I'd grown out of all of my clothes, that I've got even fatter. Instead of getting all the snacks out of the house, and instead of cooking healthier foods, Mark's answer is, "Let's go shopping for new clothes!". Some people go to church on Sunday, Mark goes to the mall. I'm not sure, but I think I saw him genuflect as we entered the Galleria.

I am not much of a browser when it comes to shopping. I run into a store, find what I want, and get the hell out as fast as possible. While Mark is still rifling through the first sales table he came across, I have found what I want, tried it on, and already paid for it. So when Mark suggested we go into the Apple Computer Store, I resisted, knowing that there wasn't a single thing in that store I would buy, or want, especially considering I had just bought a new PC a few months ago. Unfortunately for me, Mark knows how to get what he wants, and when the pitch of Mark's whining finally got to the level of severe pain, I gave in and we entered the store.

As we approached the entrance it was very much like entering some kind of temple. Scattered throughout the entire place were smiling Apple sales people, probably a hundred of them, all dressed in identical clothes, and very eager to help you discover the wonders of Apple. It was very reminiscent of a cult, like Heavens Gate or the Hare Krishna people. I have to admit it was quite fascinating, and the way it was laid out drew you right in.

When I went over to one of the computers that lined the wall, a energetic young employee, quickly glided over to help me learn of the magic of Apple. Apple computers are said to be easier to use and more stable than Microsoft PCs, and this might be true, but as I stood there with the young man telling me to click on this widget and click on that widget, all I could do was think back to when I tried to teach my eighty six year old mother how to use her computer. It all seemed so alien to me, and I realized I probably had that same weird smile that my mom had. That smile that says, 'I don't know what the hell he is talking about, but if I keep on clicking maybe he'll leave me alone'.


  1. Hahahahaa! Oh the mom smile....!

  2. Ah, that's the first stuff that we do to get you in our little community. Next I'll have them start sending you information and calling at night. We'll get you sooner or later.

    I thought when you shopped with Mark you sat in a chair and held his purse. I'm sure it won't be heavy cause it's empty.

  3. BINGO!!! You recognized that tolerant, non-confrontational look that Mom has when she would rather suffer the foreign information we are trying to force on her than just tell us to go to hell! Once you are gone, she can settle back into her comfortable ways... before computers, VCR's, and cell phones. (All have stories!)

  4. Your waist size should be half your height to be healthy.

    Cut down on the carbs. I've heard your intake of carbs and protein should be equal.

    Here are some healthy foods (which won't clog your arteries) with equal grams of protein and carbs:

    Special K "High Protein" cereal
    10 gr protein, 14 gr carbs

    Boco Meatless Burgers Flame Grilled
    14 gr protein, 4 gr carbs

    Silk Plain Soymilk
    7 gr Protein, 8 gr carbs

    Aunt Millies Light Whole Grain Bread
    2.5 gr Protein, 9 gr carbs 1 slice = only 35 calories

    Boca Meatless Ground Burger
    13 gr Protein, 6 gr carbs

    Try some of these foods and add more fresh fruits, veggies, and especially walnuts (brain food), and water and get excercise daily.

    Instead of walking Molly you can jog around the block.

    You need to take your diet seriously and take control of your own life and health.

  5. I don't do sawdust burgers.

  6. Boca burgers are actually pretty good, especially if you do lettuce, tomatoes, ect...

    I do hate advice from people who never battled the bulge. They always love to say "just do this.....

    It's just not that easy.

  7. Dennis: The winters up in Michigan have caused me to gain enough weight from the inactivity to be listed as overweight by my doctor. After following his dietary suggestions I went from 180 lbs (can you imagine me weighing that much!) to a more normal weight for my height to 155. Yes I have listened to advice of others and I'm just passing the baton.

  8. I decided that the fat picture of me was too scary, in fact it might have been obscene, so I cut it down to just make the point. That is a quick and easy way to loose the weight.

  9. One suggestion: Gastric Bypass.

  10. Hahaha , that little tiny pic at the top is so funny, and ps, fat is when you cannot lift your self up to go toilet :)

  11. Alan, I have to admit that I was impressed that you HAD put that picture in! It shows that you are not a vain person, but willing to show the truth! Most of us are too self-conscious to be that honest. As for gastric bypass as "anonymous" suggested, it is NOT an easy fix. It has a lot of complications, you still need to follow a plan, and it can fail. You might as well have your jaw wired shut...or just use some will-power-you'd still need it with G.P.!