Thursday, July 24, 2008

Large Studio Apartment For Rent

Available Immediately, landlord pays electric, free laundry, free WiFi internet. This apartment is FURNISHED, including queen sized bed. Swimming pool and deck in large tropical yard. Walk to Wilton Drive, Alibi, Rosies, New Moon, Publix, CVS. $700 per month plus $700 security. Pet dog or cat welcomed. Call Alan, 954-XXX-XXXX between 9AM and 6PM

Above is the exact text of my ad on the internet. It is clear and concise, and I think it contains all the information one would need to know. So how come some idiot just called me at 8:15 PM? How come so many people show up to look at it and say, "Gee, it's furnished?". How come some people ask if a dog is okay?

Either there are a lot of illiterate people out there with access to computers or maybe there are just a lot of stupid people period. Yesterday I had a young man come to look at the apartment, and when he filled out the rental application, I told him to make sure he gives his full name including the middle initial. I explained that some times when I do a background check more than one person with the same name show up as criminals, and I wouldn't want to confuse him with some criminal. I kind of figured, when he and his girl friend shot each other a look, something was up. Sure enough, there was no confusing him with some criminal. He was the criminal. Three felonies, and a long, long list of traffic infractions.

Then there are the people who call and set up an appointment to see the place. Seventy five percent of those never show up. It is, of course, worth it to be particular when renting to a prospective tenant. More than once I have allowed my soft side to come through and rented to a friend, or friend of a friend, and every time I have been screwed. That is, except for my old friend Dennis. Dennis was an ideal tenant. He paid his rent, he was clean, he almost never complained, he baby sat my animals, and he was quiet.

Hey Dennis! The studio apartment is open. Want to move back to Florida?


  1. It's a beautiful apartment Alan, I wish you luck renting to a good tenant!!

  2. You should rent it to some you know and trust.

  3. I agree, maybe Mark knows someone that would like to rent it.

  4. Three felonies?! He's lucky he doesn't live in a three-strikes state.