Wednesday, October 1, 2008

True Blood

I was watching one of my favorite new shows today, called ‘True Blood‘. It's about vampires in a small Louisiana town. As I was watching it, I started thinking, being a vampire wouldn't be all that bad. They live for a very long time, they seem to have hyper good sex, and none of them are fat. Of course, having to kill people and drink their blood does kind of put a damper on the whole idea. In the show, the vampires don't have to kill people anymore because the Japanese have invented a substitute for blood that they can live on. The problem is that it isn‘t good enough for many of them, and they still crave human blood.

As a human, I crave a lot of things, sugar being one of them, and if sugar was illegal Mark would be serving time for being a pusher. Every time he leaves the house, I can be sure he will come back with something sweet. He tells me that the candy and other sweet crap he buys is for him, but he leaves it laying out on the counter and the table, and he knows my resistance is low to sweet temptations. In fact today he brought home a case of gourmet cream soda made with real cane sugar. He insisted I try it, and seriously, I couldn't taste anything but the sugar.

My other food craving is fat. I like fat. Fat in my steaks, fat in my burgers, fat, fat, fat. When I see Mark trimming fat off of the meat before he cooks it, I feel like he's ruining it. I have tried food with that fake fat in it, Olestra. The problem with Olestra is that for twenty four hours after I ate it, I had to stay within ten feet of the bathroom, and I didn't even bother putting my pants back on. It was quicker to just leave them off. All of which makes me understand why the vampires in 'True Blood' don't really like the fake blood that the Japanese made for them. It probably has the same effect on them that Olestra had on me, and it's hard to climb in and out of that coffin twenty times a day.


  1. Alan, Seriously, you are ruining your health with all the fat and sugar. I know the feeling of "If in front of me, I can't resist." You seem to want to eat healthier, lose weight, and live longer. Now to get Mark to join the bandwagon with you. That is if he is really interested in your health too.

  2. Off the computer and into the gym and health food stores!

  3. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Mark has a plan.

  4. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

    If you want to live longer you'll need to change you eating habits, lose weight, and stay active both mentally and physically.

    Blood Pressure, weight, cholestrol, and blood sugar levels NEED to all be near normal. Have it checked and monitor it often!

    Oh and second hand smoke is just as bad as smoking.

    My advice: Take control of your life and think about yourself first. You have friends and family that love you and want you to be around as long as possible.

    nuf said

  5. Olestra sounds seriously dodge...please look after your self Alan !!!

  6. I tries some potato chips with Olestra and farted all night long. Whew!