The War on Sleep

 Somewhere in the distance I hear a noise that keeps getting louder and louder. It's the telephone, and it seems far away because I've been in a deep sleep for at least an hour. It's one in the morning. Reaching, and fumbling around, I find the phone and answer it.
"Squawk! The car won't start, the car won't start! Squawk! Squawk!"
It's Mark. He had gone out about four hours ago to hang out with Anthony, his friend from New York. Now he has a problem and figures I would love to be part of it.
"What the fuck are you calling me for?"
"It won't start.... " Mark weeps into the phone.
"Well call Triple A. What the goddamnedhell do you think we pay them for?"

Thirty minutes later, and I have finally drifted back to sleep. It doesn't last long. The phone is again ringing, and I know it's Mark.
"What? What the goddamnedsonofabitchenhell do you want?"
"Triple A isn't going to be here until two fifteen." he whines.
"And what? Why are you calling me? Sonofamother..... "
This time Mark hangs up before I'm done cursing him and his very existence.

I don't know why Mark hates to see me sleep. He seems to think sleep is somehow stealing time I should be spending with him. It doesn't matter that he went out for a good time without me, I still shouldn't be sleeping on his time. If I am sleeping in my big fluffy recliner, Mark wakes me. If I sneak in a little afternoon nap while Mark is out shopping, he calls me. I swear he has taken ten years off my life by denying me my beauty sleep.

It is now two thirty in the morning, and I have been sleeping soundly since Mark's last interruption. Suddenly Chandler launches himself from the end of the bed, and Sasha scrambles across my face, both of them barking madly. It's Mark. He's coming in the front door and the dogs are doing their job of protecting the house from unwanted intruders. Unfortunately, this time they have failed in their duty.