Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Hot Wet Dogs

Today was dog bath day. I took out the hose, the dog shampoo, and then the dogs to the deck out back where I proceeded to wash off the shit that Chandler had been rolling in, and the piss that Sasha had been stepping in. They both now smell like fruit and flowers instead of piss and shit.

I had central air conditioning installed in this house back in 1993. The first unit I had installed lasted sixteen years with only two failures, one of them caused by an electrocuted rat in the condenser. I replaced that unit three years ago for both reliability and cost reasons. I was told that the new one was the best money could buy. After washing two dogs, I was sweaty and hot. It is 85 degrees with 74 percent humidity outside right now. Inside my house it is 81 degrees with unknown humidity. I suspect it is quite high because the two wet dogs aren't drying off very fast. My very expensive, very reliable air conditioning unit that I just finished paying off, has quit working. Of course I don't take such things with a calm demeanor.
"Mark! Aren't you hot? Can't you tell that the air isn't working?" I screamed.
"Uh, no."
Sure, Mark is five foot eleven inches, and weighs ninety eight pounds. A breeze from a blast furnace would give him a chill. I am double his weight, and easily sweat like a pig. Anyway, the temperature in here is now up to 82. I am waiting until it is hotter in here than outside before I open the windows. The air conditioner repair man is supposed to be here some time between now and midnight, and I have to stay here just in case he comes around. Meanwhile my house is starting to smell like a very wet dog. A fruity, flowery wet dog, but I'm not sure how long they'll stay smelling so nice.


  1. I was going to suggest that you use a hair dryer, then I remembered that you have hardly any hair to warrant buying one! But actually, they do work good on the dogs......

  2. I have plenty of hair. In fact I have been letting it grow long again lately. Even when I had long, long hippie hair I never used a hair dryer other than to clear the steam fog off of the bathroom mirror.

  3. No Daddy no! Don't wash off our naturally musky dog odor! How are we supposed to sneak up on all the Florida wildlife?!