Friday, January 25, 2013

Next on the Agenda....

Mark and I joined our neighborhood association a couple of years ago so that we could be more involved. Last night was the quarterly meeting of that association. Mark didn't go. Next time I probably won't go. I now see why people don't get involved with these sort of things. The meeting was mind numbing. Going into it I knew they were usually long winded, and full of trite bullshit, but up until last night I always had Mark with me. Mark would always have a running commentary in my ear that would keep me awake and amused. Best of all, about one hour into the meetings, Mark would always nudge me, tell me he is having trouble breathing, and drag me out of there. So up until last night I had never experienced the full 'Alice in Wonderland' atmosphere of it all. I walked in and sat down next to a nice lady who was from the town Historical Society.
"Hello, my name is Adrienne."
"Hi I'm Alan." we shook hands.
"How long do these meetings usually last?" Adrienne asked.
"Too long. Way too long." I replied.
Adrienne looked down at the agenda in front of her, and rolled her eyes, "Oh my, it seems that I am scheduled to go last."

We all stood up for the Pledge of Allegiance, followed by a short thirty minute talk by the president of the association. Next up was the police chief who read some dry statistics to justify his job, and then gave us all a lecture on locking our doors, cars, and chastity belts. This was followed by a Q&A.
"Chief, my car doors don't lock. Do you think that could be a problem?"
"Chief, on our block we have....  (ten minutes later she gets to the point of her question) how come there are no street lights on our block?"
"Chief, do you have a good way to prevent my psoriasis from flaring up?"
An hour later it was time for the Librarian to speak. Mercifully, he only spoke for a half an hour, but this was followed by another Q&A.
"Mr. Librarian, can I borrow books from the library?"
"Mr. Librarian, I missed the first two seasons of Downton Abbey. Will I be able to watch those first two seasons at the library?" (that one I did not make up)
On and on the questions came.
"Sir, can we get speed bumps on our street?"
The answer was no, not from the man who runs the library. The problem was that some of the people weren't paying any attention, and didn't even notice that the police chief had left and this was the librarian. Unfortunately those who didn't pay attention were the ones who heard him ask if there were any questions.

Two hours into it I had, had enough. I quietly got out of my seat, and made my way out of the meeting. As I slipped out the side door, I looked back towards Adrienne. She was slumped over in her chair with drool dangling from the side of her mouth. From the front of the meeting room I heard the association president announce, "And now here is Adrienne from the historical society to tell us all about the scavenger hunt on Saturday."


  1. Reminds me of Kellen's kindergarden class. Everybody just wants to something.

  2. People like to feel important at these things and they do love to hear themselves talk! Every so often I have to go to a condo meeting (where we have Pearl)and most of the time it ends up with a big fight. There always is a segment of people who are sure; the manager is stealing money, the quotes for proposed work are rigged, the 1960's decor in the lobby looks "just fine", and everyone is a cheat. 2 years ago the cops were called, now THAT was entertaining! 2 old men were about ready to get into a fist fight!

  3. I am proud our residents turns down a millage tax on property owners. Let the township have a yard sale if they want money to fund their projects. Geesh

  4. Hello Garrett. The neighborhood association has nothing to do with taxes.

  5. Oops wrong blog. Sorry