Friday, December 26, 2014

I Refuse



The hours are swiftly ticking down to doomsday, to that moment in time I dread. In just around ten hours I turn sixty five years old. In just around ten hours my life will change. I'll stop being a human being and suddenly I'll be nothing more than a senior citizen. I'll be a target for insurance scams, Medicare hucksters insisting that I need a HurryCane®, Life Alert ®, or one of those little go-kart things to get around my house (Okay, the little go-kart thing isn't so bad). I'll have to watch baseball games with my eyes closed while snoring in my big fluffy chair... Oh, wait, that already happens. What I won't do is start listening to Andy Williams and vacationing in Branson, Missouri. I won't start yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn. I will not confuse the accelerator for the brake pedal after fifty years of knowing exactly where they are located (Brake's on the right.. right?) In fact what I will do is the complete opposite of what is expected of me. I will move out of Florida, and back up to the frozen north country, because I can't stand the smell of mildew, toe jam, and old people who think deodorant isn't necessary because they can't smell themselves. Yes my friends, that is exactly what Florida smells like.

6 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday Alan!! Just wallow in all the senior discounts you will now qualify for. When you move to Chicago you can sign up for half price CTA rides!! Until then, enjoy whatever senior deals you can find in sunny FLA !

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  2. you get carded to prove you're over 18 years old. when you get older you get carded to prove you're over 65 years old

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  3. Just letting you know (since I am a year older than you) senior citizen is a state of mind. I don't THINK I am old, so I am not old. I am constantly amazed when I hear "elderly" used to describe a 66 yr old! Elderly is 85+!! But I am happy to use all discounts they want to give me!

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  4. Age is just a number and how you feel so keep moving and eating well and you'll live to a ripe age. Sure there are some obstacles like finding the right instruments to remove hair in places you never had hair before and finding cushy seats and cozy places to feel comfy. All in all getting older isn't what it used o be. So rejoice knowing you have new advances to keep

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  5. Part 2. Advances to keep you happy. Hopefully your no no hair remover won't quit in you and you get the real comfy seats at the restaurant and your iPhone won't freeze up when typing

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  6. Part 3 yes freeze or won't let you type more than 6 lines. Happy birthday

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