Goce de la Demostración

Last night Mark and I grabbed our passports and ventured south of the border into the nation of Miami. I know you might think, Miami, isn’t that part of the United States? Of course you would be technically correct, however the residents of Miami consider it ‘Cuba norte’, and there are times I think it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to cut it loose. But that’s not what today’s story is about.

Our reason for venturing into Miami was to see the Broadway production of ‘Sweeny Todd’, the story of a barber who kills people and his lady friend who makes meat pies out of his victims to sell in her bakery. First off I’d like to say that the cast was excellent and I have no complaints about that. Innovative is the word that was used in the Playbill to describe the production. If a synonym for innovative is ‘done on the cheap’ then that would be accurate. They saved money by not hiring an orchestra, not building a very elaborate set, and not hiring a crew to move the sets around. Instead they had the actors playing the instruments, and moving the pieces of the minimalistic set around themselves. For ninety dollars a seat I want more than a college production, I want to see glitz and hear a full orchestra. Speaking of seats, why can’t theaters put in seats for the typical American butt? When they are building these places, I think they grab the smallest seventy year old woman, measure her ass and say “Yep, one foot wide should do it”.

I ended up sitting next to a very large man whose ass and body oozed out over the seat like a huge bran muffin. Together with my not so tiny self, we looked like a large muffin tin. Not satisfied with slopping over into my seat, he also made a phlegmy snorting sound in my ear every thirty to sixty seconds. That really added flavor to the show. At intermission I took measures to alleviate my seating problems; I simply swapped seats with Mark. This worked out well since Mark’s ass is less than one foot wide. At least it worked out for me. Mark, on the other hand, was just a little upset that I hadn’t mentioned the phlegmy snorting.