Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Cripple

Ca, clack...clop. Ca, clack...clop. Ca, clack...clop. When the cats hear that sound, they pull in their tails and run under a table or chair, for that is the sound of me on crutches moving through the house. Since the surgery to remove a neuroma in my right foot, I have discovered just how much I use that appendage, and I now have a new found appreciation for what handicapped people go through.

This afternoon I attempted to make my way from the big chair to the bathroom without the aid of the crutches and I soon realized why I need crutches. As I moved past Molly, I stepped on one of her un-chewed chewy strips with my right foot, causing me to slide and do a sort of half split before I grabbed a chair to save myself. Besides hurting my foot, I also gave myself a mild groin pull.

Another problem from the surgery is the pain killers the doctor gave me, oxycodone. I did use three of the pills before I realized I didn't like them. I think putting up with the pain in my foot might be better than going around the house sounding and acting like a drugged out Jerry Lewis impersonator. I quit taking the pills Thursday afternoon, yet I was still experiencing problems from them on Saturday evening as I tried to over come the constipating effects of them. As I sat there straining and pushing, just to pop out what looked like a rabbit turd, I suddenly thought of Elvis Presley. If you remember, he used to eat prescription pain killers like popcorn, and died on the can straining, much like I was doing. I sure wouldn't want to be around when Mark came in and found me dead on the toilet.

Mark is the only good thing about all of this. He is waiting on me like my personal valet, and he prepares every meal for me. He is also trying to keep the house clean, which is not his forte'. The one thing he doesn't do is kitty litter. When he sees me, or even hears me cleaning out the kitty litter box, he gets the dry heaves and runs away. So I am going to have to suck it up and clean the cat boxes myself, before they decide to find a nice clean place to poop and pee somewhere else around the house.

10 comments:

  1. This one gave way TMI.
    More than I ever wanted or needed to know.

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  2. I was in tears reading this blog. Poor Alan....

    My evil twin said:
    ....yeah right, in tears from laughing so hard. hehe

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  3. Alan World
    Is that a metafor for Disney World.

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  4. It is nothing like Disney World. I hate Disney World.

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  5. Maybe you should ask your doc for vicodin, I've heard they're making you feel good even without pain xD

    No really, get well soon :)

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  6. Dennis: At least he didn't describe the "Color and Texture"

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  7. You should have been warned about the constipating effects of narcotics...did you read the fine print on one of the multiple labels on the bottle?? Now you know why drug addicts are described as "full of sh--"! Push water and fiber!!!

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  8. At least you're being treated well by Mark. Hobble on over to that cat box and scoop it out before it becomes one great big "brick". Kitties will be so happy.

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