Thursday, April 10, 2008

My Neuroma

When I was younger I never much thought about going to the doctor. I assumed I was invincible and that any malady that I was experiencing was going to be temporary. It wasn't until I reached the age of thirty eight that I realized the value of seeing a doctor. You see, after finally going to a doctor for what I thought was just a respiratory ailment, I found out I had cancer.

Having learned that lesson, I have finally decided that the intense pain in my foot is not normal. It only took me twenty three years to figure that out. I first noticed it when I went to New Orleans in 1985 with Garet. After a few days of pounding the pavement sightseeing, it felt like I had been hit with a hammer in the ball of my foot.

I have ruined most of my vacations over the last twenty three years because I thought the pain would eventually go away. It didn't. I was crippled in Amsterdam, pulled up lame in Germany, had to take taxis everywhere in Paris, and missed out on many sites in Rome because of my obstinate belief that my foot could heal itself. I couldn't even conjure up a miracle cure while wandering around the Vatican. Probably because God was punishing me for writing mean stories about nuns.

This coming Wednesday I am getting my foot fixed. The doctor is going to cut my right foot open and scoop out the Neuroma that has been plaguing me all these years. Both my mom and one of my brothers have had this operation, and they assure me the results are worth it. They say it is like night and day, no more pain. That's great, I already have a number of hikes planned, and maybe even the Boston Marathon.

The doctor tells me that the actual operation takes him eight minutes from the time he starts until he sews me up. I have two problems with that. First, if that is how long it takes, why do I have to be there for five hours? The second thing is that eight minutes is fine, but I would really prefer it if he would take his time and not try to set a new Guinness record while cutting me up.


  1. With your foot all healed think of all the walking you could do to help you keep fit.

  2. I think you should have music on your blog...and for this one it could be "My Neuroma" (as in "My Sharona")!
    And P.S. are you having a local or sedation? They try to do it quickly because they probably have to tourniquet your foot and it has to be on as short a time as possible. Just like for my carpal tunnel...the doc called for "TIME!" as he finished...I thought he was trying to break his personal best!!!

  3. My Sharona was exactly what I was thinking when I titled this.

    I hope it's local. The last time I got put all the way under, I got nauseous and continued puking after I got home. I think they gave me too much.

  4. Get that foot fixed and we will go bike riding.

    I would elect for the local too. You never know what they might do to you while your under. They could put your hair in curlers, put makeup on you and take pictures of you in compromising situations. You wish.

  5. Russell must know that from experience.

  6. I think Russell might show up in curlers, makeup and supply his own compromising pictures.

    Now when you get your foot fixed will you stop falling down? It would be nice to walk with you and not worry about you falling and me laughing hystarically and not letting you see it.

  7. Dennis: At least I would be pretty. I have seen you all made up!

  8. how is it that I didn't know this could be fixed?

    I have neuromas in both feet. Let me know how it goes, you can be my guinea pig.