Monday, October 5, 2009

Anna Nicole Smith and My Drinking Money, Died Here

I have been inside a gambling casino maybe three times in my life, and I have never understood the allure. One time was in Las Vegas when I was still under age. I managed to win about a dollar in nickels before security chased me out. Another time was in a goofy little riverboat casino in Iowa, whose entire patronage consisted of fat assed farmers and their even fatter wives, who after engorging on the all you could eat buffet of fried everything, proceeded to plant those fat asses in front of all the slot machines. It wasn't pretty. Despite those experiences, I have been intrigued lately because more than one of my friends has mentioned how lucky they have been at the local Indian casinos here. So when I saw that Abandoned Pet Rescue was going to do a 'Meet and Greet' (When we bring a few dogs and cats out for the public to see) at a nearby casino, I was first on the list to volunteer. I figured I would help get some of the little darlings adopted, then go try my hand at a little gambling when we were done.

The part where we sat around introducing dogs and cats to the people was great, and I think we might have adopted out a few. The part where I ventured into the casino afterwards was another matter. I might as well have taken a couple of twenty-dollar bills and put them through my paper shredder at home. Apparently, the science of casino design has reached a point where they can lure you in, get you lost among the machines, and then totally disorient you with cacophony until your wallet is empty, and they can do this in less than five minutes. I walked out of that place feeling as if I had been pantsed and thrown out into the street naked. I still don't know where the fun part of gambling is, unless all those people plunging their money into the machines are just total masochists. As for my friends who brag about how much money they have won in the casinos, I think they lie. I think they are full of shit, but the next time I see them you can be sure I will let them know that I walked away hundreds of dollars ahead, and had a fabulous time.

9 comments:

  1. I have never gambled and never plan to. I'm with you on this one -I just don't see what the attraction is. It looks to me like people just throwing their money away. I work too hard to do that!!!

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  2. Those casinos weren't built by giving away money. I always wanted to know how many times these "winners" lost hundreds of dollars before there "big wins". I'm with anonymous, I worked for that money and just can't throw it away.

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  3. I came to the same conclusion about these "winners". Liars.

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  4. I know it is "their" big wins. Just a little typo error.

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  5. Sure some of your friends won at the tables...however they are full of shit.Nobody wins all the time. Gambling is a sickness, however as most states have discovered its a great way to fund schools and infrastructure without anyone whining about the taxes. Just stay out of the Casinos and stick with the lottery.

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  6. I have a friend who has lost everything since late 2008, his home, his job,and his nice ride. He now lives in a 1972 motor home. The stimulus has done nothing to help him or his family. However, he now travels from gambling town to gambling port, to the biggem chiefem reservation.He is making a living at it. $10,000 last month. This is the guy who has taken your readers's money. Let's give a big U.S.A. cheer !!!!!!

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  7. Gary; I assume you are being sarcastic when you say stick to the Lotto. I think bank robbery would be more lucrative.

    Anon after Gary; If this guy is making so much money gambling, why is he roaming around in a 1972 beater motor home?

    If anyone feels compelled to gamble, just send me the money and I will gamble it away for you. Really, I won't just spend it on crap.

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  8. Gambling at casinos seems like a waste of energy and money!

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  9. You gamble when you play the stock market.

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