A Tree Grows in Gayberry

I love living in the city. Too bad I don't live in one. Where I live is what we refer to as 'Gayberry', a small town of twelve thousand next to Fort Lauderdale. In a big city you can be more anonymous, and ignore your neighbors more easily. Here in this quasi-suburban town I find that I have to deal more directly with neighbors.

To the east are the ones I call the Clampetts because when they moved in they immediately cut down the large trees in the front yard so that they could park boats, and cars out there. Lately one of the Clampett boys got his ass arrested for breaking into an old peoples home (It is Florida after all). I'm not real sure, but I think junior is now under house arrest because he doesn't go to school anymore, and he spends his days in the side yard next to my office, partying with his buddies. Whatever, I figure as long as he doesn't bother me or break into my house, it's none of my business.

The neighbor to my west is another story. She is an absentee landlord, and she pisses me off. I never used to care much until Mark overheard her telling her tree trimmer not to worry about her trees hanging over my house because, "Alan can take care of those.". It costs me a couple of hundred dollars every year to have those things trimmed back, and if we have a hurricane they'll probably come crashing through my roof.

Yesterday big storms went through the entire eastern part of the country. After the storm blew through here, every leaf from the tree of Miss Absentee Landlord was sitting in my swimming pool. It's been a continuing problem over the years, and I need to do something about it. What I need to know is how do I kill that tree without it being obvious that I killed it, or that it was intentionally killed? All suggestions will be kept in the strictest confidence, just like everything else I do on this blog.