I was out at our favorite Friday night bar, and I was talking to the owner, Lori, a nice lesbian lady of fifty years. We were both commiserating over our Catholic school upbringing.
"Yes, those nuns were kind of tough."
"Tough?" I choked on the words, "They were downright evil."
"I don't remember them being that bad."
"That's because you didn't go to Catholic school back in the 1950's."
That's when I started to recount the horrors of Saint George School. I told her about the three sided ruler we had to kneel on if we didn't show up for nine o'clock mass on Sunday. And then there was the rubber tipped pointer they'd beat us on our knuckles with until they were raw. One of their other favorite forms of torture was to draw a tiny circle on the blackboard and make you stand there with your nose up against it for what seemed like hours to a little kid.
The whole time I was recounting these atrocities Lori was looking at me like I was some kind of freak.
"You weren't around in the 1950's." she said incredulously.
"I was born in 1949."
She looked at me again, closely.
"I would have never guessed." she replied.
That's when I wanted to kiss that big old lesbian. But I didn't.
If you were a well behaved little boy you wouldn't have been punished so much.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet you would also get in trouble for wearing those patent leather shoes.
you are exactly right Alan - Sister Evil beat the crap out of all of us at one time or another. Thank God things have changed. They don't have enought nuns to teach any more and the only ones that are around much are cute little Phillipino (?) ones that wouldn't hurt a flea. Time have changed. And yes you do look fantastic for your age - because you are so young at heart!
ReplyDeleteIt must have been very dark in that bar or Lori didn't have her glasses on. ewwwww....fart and dart
ReplyDeleteYou must have good genes. After losing an arm wrestle match with your Grandfather who was 99 at the time, I came to that conclusion.
ReplyDeleteAnon #1, No, patent leather shoes didn't work well looking up boys pant legs.
ReplyDeleteAnon #2, I still remember the names of all of them, and which ones were the worst. Lillian, Jude, and Monica. Sister Frances was nice, she just smelled bad.
Oh, I remember those long black robes and black habit veils and tightly wound white cloth covered cardboard forms around their faces. They also had the huge black rosaries and crucifixes hanging from their black rope belts... and their body stench on hot summer days made you want to pass out. They struck horror in the eyes of the little childrens. No wonder gays like to dress as those types of nuns on Halloween. They were terrifying!
ReplyDeleteOMG! The pointer and knuckles. By the 60's the nuns at my school got smart. They hired a male teacher and let him beat the *%#* out of the bad kids. The nuns just sat back and watched the show. Lol! Recently a few friends were sitting around after a lunch at one's home where her husband joined us. He and I went to Catholic school and shared stories. I finished with a priest's version of the best birth control and he promptly finished with "an aspirin between your knees". My friend (raised Methodist) looked at us in horror. She asked how we both knew that since we were raised on opposite ends of the U.S. and we just shrugged. She was still horrified at the consistency! Sorry this was long, but I could go on and on about Catholic school.
ReplyDeleteHow about Alicia and Alexis in Catholic School or as nuns? That would be a hoot.
ReplyDeleteSister Mary Alicia and Sister Mary Alexis...life in the convent....
ReplyDeleteYeah and Sister Monica had the face of a cherub...at least Sister Lillian looked like the witch she was! Next year is our 50th year reunion of our grade school class...and everyone reminisces about our little prison. Back then, parents really weren't involved at all unless they were called about bad behaviour and then watch out!
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