Bedlam

I am standing up in my bed sucking on the bolts that my dad has used to keep my broken crib together. It is a line of five bolts and nuts along the left hand side of the split railing that is supposed to keep me safely in the crib. I'm pretty sure that is the earliest memory that I have of my life, standing up in a bed that today would be called a safety hazard. There was no Consumer Product Safety Commission back in 1950, no recalled cribs, no test to see if the thing could even hold my hefty little ass. Dad did the best he could with it, he patched the thing up with hardware from the Western Tire and Auto store. I'm pretty sure that at least three of my younger sisters, and brothers used the same crib. The bolts didn't seem to hurt them either.

Another ancient memory that I have is my dad taking me, and my older brother over to the lumber yard to buy us a set of bunk-beds. At least I think it was a lumber yard. I was only about three years old so it could have been a furniture store that sold lumber too. Anyway, I ended up sleeping in those bunk-beds until the day I moved away from my parents house. I never knew what a good bed felt like until many years into my adult life when I started having 'sleepovers' at other peoples houses.

Mark and I are planning our next home improvement project. It involves redecorating our bedroom, maybe installing new windows, and best of all, getting a new king sized bed. Sure a queen sized would be fine if all I had to think about was my fat ass, and Mark's extremely skinny ass, but we have others to think of. First there's that gigantic dog, Chandler, who likes to sleep at the foot of my bed, who rolls back and forth all night until I am pushed to the edge. Then there is Sasha. She sleeps first on my pillow, and then moves over to Mark's pillow. It goes back and forth like that all night until I am scrunched halfway down the bed, and over to the edge. I figure a king sized bed might just take care of that problem. Although it was for that reason I didn't adopt little Lola earlier this year. No room on the bed.