Things I've Learned

Sure I learned a few things from the nuns when I was a kid, but nothing that was relevant to my future. They taught me how to take apart a sentence and put all the words on little lines that forked off from each other. I think they called it diagramming the sentence. To this day I have never had an employer ask me to do that. But never mind all that, I'm talking about what I've learned from life that I am able to apply to the here and now.

First of all I've learned that I don't have to answer the ringing telephone. I have an answering machine, and it works real nice. If the call is important I will get back to that caller sooner or later. Now if I could only get Mark to realize that. He loves to pick up the phone, hit the on button, and hand it to me without finding out who the hell is on the other end.

I've also learned that I don't have to be nice to the people who come to my door pushing their religion. They are just like cats, if you are nice to them they just keep coming back. When I lived on a hippie commune back in 1971, Jehovah's Witnesses used to come by and try to sell us their load of crap. Just for entertainment value we would invite them in, and sit around the kitchen table arguing points of fact with them. We never got them to crack, but a number of our hippie roommates did eventually convert and go all Jehovah's Witness on us. As far as I know they still follow that craziness.

Finally, one of the most important things I have learned in my sixty two years, is that farts aren't always farts. I don't think I have to explain that to you, other than to say I've been kind of sick the last few days.