Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow
Almost exactly twenty six years ago I hitched a U-Haul trailer full of crap to my Ford Tempo, loaded the cats and my boyfriend into the car, and moved to Florida. I made a couple of mistakes on that trip. First, I tried to cross the mountains of Tennessee in that Tempo. It didn't make it. It coughed up a valve and died in northern Georgia. After Goober Pyle patched it up enough to get us the rest of the way to Fort Lauderdale, I made my second mistake. At the first opportunity after crossing into Florida, I threw away my winter clothes. Who the hell needs a winter coat and sweaters in Florida? The Christmas of 1989 turned out to be one of the coldest ever in Florida history. It actually fell below freezing in Fort Lauderdale and they had snow flurries in Orlando. Anyway, after twenty six years of fun and sun in the land of wrinkled old people and clueless young ones, I yearn to move back to Chicago. Attention my Florida friends, the following is not about you, but I do need to live among a population that is a little smarter. I want to be around people who were educated someplace besides a "Christian" school. I want to be around people who believe in science, evolution, and who know who the Vice President of the United States is. Last week there was an election for the mayor of Fort Lauderdale. Only 7.2 percent of eligible voters turned out to vote. The problem with Florida is that nearly everybody here moved for the warm weather and because they are lazy. Rich and lazy, poor and lazy, and everything in between. Too lazy to read the news, too lazy to vote, too lazy to put on shoes. They wear flip flops and shorts to go to the theater here. No shoes, no shirt, no problem. The restaurant will simply seat you on the patio, unless you put on your shirt, then you can eat inside. I'm sick of looking at peoples dirty toes while I eat my lunch. Yes I know it's only sixteen degrees in Chicago as I write this. It's sixty nine here and the windows are open. However, from April through November, my windows are closed and the air conditioning is pumping away, pumping away over three hundred dollars worth of electricity per month. I know that from December through February you all don't even want to step out of the house. I go through the same thing here from June through September when it is so humid outside that it sucks the life right out of you. When walking the dogs, I have literally had to have Chandler drag me back home because I had nearly drowned in the humidity. So yes, I am moving back to Chicago. I have missed twenty six years of family get-togethers, Christmases, births, parties, Thanksgivings. At some point you have to make that decision that family is more important than the weather. I get lonely here sometimes. Nearly all of my Florida friends have moved away, died, or simply grown too old to open the door and go out. So just as soon as all that goddamned snow in Chicago melts and it warms up a bit, I hope to be moving back up north... and yes, I know that I will never, ever, be able to complain about the weather again.