Thursday, February 12, 2015

With Liberty and a Barbeque For All

On the deck in the back yard is a large faux wicker bench that opens up so that you can store things in it. In my plan to spruce up out there, I had to move it. What I didn't realize, was how heavy it was, I almost popped a hernia. I gave it a big push and nothing happened, it didn't budge. What the hell could possibly weigh so damn much? When I opened it up, it was obvious. Years of swimming pool toys, swimming pool gadgets, and gardening supplies had been tossed in there, and the whole thing was moist and full of insects. So I dragged the trash bin over to the deck and started throwing stuff out. It was like an archeological dig. The first layer was made up of hoses and deflated float toys for the pool. Into the trash they went. The next layer consisted of more blow up toys, a swimming pool badminton set, and more hoses. As I continued to dig I came across the yard decorations for our 2008 July Fourth party, including the colorful float toy that stretched the length of the swimming pool.

 It was in bad shape and the poor thing will never float again. My problem is that when I pulled the colorful float toy out of the bench, I found the little American Flags that we had placed all around the yard for our party. They were filthy, wet, and bug eaten, so I gathered them all up and threw them in the garbage. Now I'm feeling slightly guilty about that. I was a Boy Scout, I learned about proper flag etiquette. You never throw an American Flag that has become soiled or ragged into the garbage. The proper way to dispose of such a flag, is to burn it. So you might say that all those angry anti-American demonstrators around the world, who love to burn the American Flag, are actually doing the right thing. I thought long and hard about pulling those flags out of the garbage and burning them in the yard, the way it's supposed to be done. Then I realized, I can't burn them. I can't burn anything in my yard. It's against the law in our town to burn anything in your yard. But then I thought about it a little more, and I came up with a solution. Tomorrow, for lunch, I shall be barbequing some burgers out on the grill. They might taste a little funny though. Those flags are made out of cheap Chinese polyester and the little flag poles are plastic.

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