Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Gift

For three days solid it has been raining here in paradise, you know, the Sunshine State, Florida. And three times a day, for those three days, I have been trying to get my dogs out to do their doody. Now Sasha isn't too much of a problem. It seems that one of her previous owners had trained her to take a poop, and pee in the shower. The only thing is that sometimes she gets confused, and takes a crap just outside the shower on the bathroom floor. She also has taken a dump here in my office, but I attribute that to Mark taking one of his lengthy showers, causing Sasha to search out an alternative site.

Chandler is another story. He will try to hold his bladder, and crapper as long as possible. That said, he still needs to go out. What I do is keep one eye on the swimming pool through the window. If I see that no rain is falling, disturbing the pool surface, I will quickly grab Chandler, and we will make a run for the church down the block. The church being his preferred pooping place. This morning I decided that we could make it all the way around the block because the pavement was dry, even though the sky was still a leaden gray. It obviously hadn't rained in the last hour, so on we went, past the corner where Chandler likes to stop and pee. Past drunken Mikes house, where Chandler always stops to smell something. Not sure what he's smelling, but it must be good, he spends an inordinate amount of time there. We were almost at the point of no return when a light rain started. I decided to turn around and go back the way we came. Chandler must have sensed what was coming, because he immediately squatted in the nearest patch of grass, and took a gigantic crap. So we beat the rain. We managed to crap, pick up the crap in one of our little green bags, and make it all the way home just before the skies opened up again.


  1. "To stroll is heaven, to poop while doing it is divine"

  2. After this I'm all pooped out... first my 91yr old mother-in-law thinks describing her bowel issues and poop (in GREAT detail) is proper conversation.(no shit!!) And now Chandlers bowel issues....again. HELP!!!

  3. This is what life is like in England, where it rains five days out of seven.

  4. I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop talking about drunk people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and Chandler's poop!

    That doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?